Emotionally Blank yet Full of Emotion

To others I (am): happy, never sad, emotionally hollow, sarcastic, "beautiful", funny, a great friend, outgoing, loud, have everything together.
To me I'm: mad, sad, frustrated, hateful, full of the wrong emotions, ugly, in hiding, a horrible friend, quiet, screaming internally, lost, will never be found, broken, torn to pieces and always being walked on.
My name is Jazmin. I'm 16. And I have the worst emotions. I have hidden my emotions since I was 5. I never really said what was on my mind til I discovered poetry. Poetry has ruled my life and I unfortunately can't write "Happy" poetry for the life of me. I use sarcasm to express the little monster inside and people think I'm joking around. I'm usually not. Lets see. I'm like any other teenager. I get angry with my parents and sometimes I just want to run away. My siblings drive me insane. It's a wonder that I'm not in an insane asylum. I stress over the stupidest of things. And I'm often a double standard. Ex: When I cry it's weakness. When others cry it's strength. I like being near people yet I can't stand them. I'm a confused little girl wearing her mommy's high heels. I'm all for gay pride but I'm not gay. I am straight but I think it's okay for another man to love another man or a girl to love another girl. I'm beginning to ramble so off I go! Bye :)