Freshman Year

Freshman Year

A Lesson by RayJayy

Freshman year.


Maybe, being new. wasn't the right thing for me?
 I don't know but, I wish I could go back
That year I Had 3 boyfriends.
One that stuck out in particular .
We'll call him "Jon"
He was on the football team.
I met him the week before school started.
he was cool, we hung
I didn't think much about it then.
Then school started.
and we talked every now and then.
Then he asked me out.
And I said yes, only to be nice.
plus I didn't really know what he was like
If only I knew him better.
from that point on we were almost always together at my friends house.
all my friends told me
" Jon's nice and sweet, he'd never hurt  a girl "
I was all for it. he had good reviews
It was almost the end of September by this time.
between the football games, School, and my life,
everything was fine.
but then I was getting wiser to his games.
and around the beginning of November, I was realizing things about him.
how he always thought more about my body, then me as a whole.
How whenever we hung out, he was always asking to do things.
and how I knew he never truly respected me.
That when it all went downhill from there.
we didn't hang out much in that month.
then we hand an argument.
on how we never hung out
and I told him cause I want more than just a good time.
I want understanding
It was the day before my birthday,
and I found out some things.
He Cheated on me the week before that day.
with a girl and 2 of his friends.
I Was Cheated On.
First Time, ever.
Man was I mad.

And then,
we broke up,
but it gets better.
He started telling his friends of me.
things we did.
things I only heard of other girls.
but now I was in their shoes.
I was asked things,
I was hearing things.
I Was being talked about.
then I didn't do good in school
and I was thinking worse of myself.
If only I thought more
If only I knew him
If only..........
the most shocking thing.
was the following summer,
I found out he raped my friend.
I could never handle to fact that I allowed this boy into y life
especially now that this came up.
Now I don't speak to him.
Gladly enough.
he doesn't try to speak with me.
I Wish I could tell him how a feel, and maybe one day.
But he was the last boyfriend I had that year.
and the only person I regret.
Because of him, I'm afraid to be involved with a guy, cause of what might happen, and what might come out after all is said and done.
But he has made me wiser.
and from that point on, I get to know guys, and I ask questions.
My process has evolved, and I am Changed, and forever will


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Posted 2 Years Ago

lol ( the lit wit ) when it says courses right on top of the page interesting yet cruel this story seems like vent someone needs a talking partner or it was just too much of a big scar to be forgotten

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Posted 6 Years Ago

This is prose, not a writing course.
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Added on September 4, 2010
Last Updated on September 4, 2010
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Houston, TX

I Write about my compulsive thoughts. They Help me realize that when I cry I have done wrong or was wrongly done. these poems are my cry for a better tomorrow. They bring out the essence of what ..