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Agents Query Letter Good?
Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoHi. I wrote out this query letter and I would like some feedback on it please. Thank you for your time.
Dear Editor, Tying a rope loosely to her waist, the other end to a post by the door, she grabs a basket and walks into the large grassy field that surrounded her wooden home, picking flowers along the way. She stops before a pile of stones, a crude cross made of two sticks behind it, and kneels before it. She claps her hands together and whispers a prayer before placing the flowers she had picked in front of the pile of stones. “I will see you tomorrow Mother,” the young girl said with a soft, sad smile before standing, “Please keep watch over me.” A young girl lives each day upon the knowledge left behind by her mother to survive and wishes to meet others living on the surface of the world while trying to not get captured and enslaved by those that reject the surface world. A chanced meeting at the right time will change her everyday life. A young orphaned boy has lived underground by the laws of those that refuse to give up the world that was destroyed so long ago and struggles to escape to the surface and be free. Yet, upon obtaining his dream, he may find more than he ever wished for upon saving a young girl about to be harmed by the very ones he had escaped from. Journey is a story set in a post-apocalyptic world about two young children struggling to survive in a world without their parents to guide them. The two young children remain unnamed until they meet one another in later chapters and show how each struggle in a different environment. Journey is not just a tale of survival and romance, but the nature of humanity when taken away from all they once known and the decisions the survivors had made that creates the world the two children live on. |
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Re: Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoOriginally posted by Omegax45 Hi. I wrote out this query letter and I would like some feedback on it please. Thank you for your time.
Dear Editor, Tying a rope loosely to her waist, the other end to a post by the door, she grabs a basket and walks into the large grassy field that surrounded her wooden home, picking flowers along the way. She stops before a pile of stones, a crude cross made of two sticks behind it, and kneels before it. She claps her hands together and whispers a prayer before placing the flowers she had picked in front of the pile of stones. “I will see you tomorrow Mother,” the young girl said with a soft, sad smile before standing, “Please keep watch over me.” A young girl lives each day upon the knowledge left behind by her mother to survive and wishes to meet others living on the surface of the world while trying to not get captured and enslaved by those that reject the surface world. A chanced meeting at the right time will change her everyday life. A young orphaned boy has lived underground by the laws of those that refuse to give up the world that was destroyed so long ago and struggles to escape to the surface and be free. Yet, upon obtaining his dream, he may find more than he ever wished for upon saving a young girl about to be harmed by the very ones he had escaped from. Journey is a story set in a post-apocalyptic world about two young children struggling to survive in a world without their parents to guide them. The two young children remain unnamed until they meet one another in later chapters and show how each struggle in a different environment. Journey is not just a tale of survival and romance, but the nature of humanity when taken away from all they once known and the decisions the survivors had made that creates the world the two children live on. Several points of this are good, but there are a few omissions. Firstly, you don't say anything about yourself as a author. How does the topic resonate with you? In YA, you often are trying to put across some kind of point. What is it? You want the agent/publisher to be interested in you personally as well as your book. Few sign single book deals these days. Also, I'm not sure the quote really tells us anything. It isn't entirely necessary, although some say you should put one in. Personally, I don't need it. You will show us your style in the body of the letter, and in the first chapter if the agent chooses to read it. Finally, I wouldn't start with the quote. Introduce yourself, and tell the agent why you are writing him/her, especially if someone recommended them to you. If they recognize a name, they are more likely to give your manuscript a look. Do your homework, show them why they are the right person to represent you. This letter could go to anyone. Make it more personal. You want to be their friend. An agent/author relationship can be very close. Start it right from your first contact. Good luck. |
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Re: Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoNow that I look back on it, I can see you have a really good point. I have been relying on too many websites that say you should keep your query letter short and all about the book. Thank you very much.
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Re: Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoCan anyone tell me if this is better?
Dear Editor,
I am looking for someone to help me get
published. I have come across your listing upon
In the remains of a world scarred from war, two children are born in
different parts: one on the surface, the other underground.
A young girl lives each day upon the
knowledge left behind by her mother to survive and wishes to meet others living
on the surface of the world while trying to not get captured and enslaved by
those that reject the surface world. A chanced meeting at the right time will
change her everyday life.
A young orphaned boy has lived
underground by the laws of those that refuse to give up the world that was
destroyed so long ago and struggles to escape to the surface and be free. Yet,
upon obtaining his dream, he may find more than he ever wished for upon saving a
young girl about to be harmed by the very ones he had escaped from.
Journey is a story set in a
post-apocalyptic world about two young children struggling to survive in a world
without their parents to guide them. The novel is 60,113 words long and is
completed. The genre of my novel is a mix between science fiction and romance.
The target audience I believe it is for is for both young adults and adults
alike. The two young children remain unnamed until they meet one another in
later chapters and show how each struggle in a different environment. Journey is
not just a tale of survival and romance, but the nature of humanity when taken
away from all they once known and the decisions the survivors had made that
creates the world the two children live on.
This is my first novel. I
am a college graduate with an associates degree in applied science and a
bachelor's degree in legal studies, but the legal field did not appeal to me
upon graduation. I focus my free time on my hobby of writing stories, and would
like to make a career out of what I love.
I would be happy to send the manuscript
to you for consideration upon your request. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
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Re: Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoSome suggestions:
1. The first sentence is unnecessary. Clearly you're sending the query letter to the agent/editor seeking publication. Otherwise, why would you be querying? Part of the purpose of a query letter is to give the agent/editor a sample of your writing ability, as such you do not want to waste words. If you have unnecessary words in your query letter, it suggests they may be present in your novel. There are other places that cadn be tightened up as well. 2. Never say an editor/agent has sufficient credentials for your consideration. Writers are in excess SUPPLY not DEMAND. Many agents get over 1000 queries a year to read. You can mention why you think the editor is a good fit for you, and personalizing the letter is definitely a good thing professionally, but making it seem like they meet your standards is not the way to go. 3. 60,000 words is not a novel unless you are querying YA. Typically agents in adult genres will not consider novels under 80,000 words, with many preferring 100,000 as an ideal length. 4. The second paragraph is somewhat incomprehensible. It has a lot of run-on sentences and doesn't give me a clear sense of the plot. What does it matter if the two children remain unnamed until they meet another? Who are the ones who "refuse to give up the world that was destroyed"? You make references to very important facts that are treated as mere background information. The point of the query letter is to give the agent the hook of the novel. It distills the story into several sentences that give both a sense of the characters, what's at stake, and why we should care. I had difficulty answering these questions when I read through the query. |
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Re: Query Letter Good?Posted 1 Year AgoI took what you said into consideration, and tried a different approach. How about this?
Dear Editor,
In a world healing from the wounds of a war that destroyed a vast society, two souls are raised in different environments: a young girl upon the surface , and a young boy within a technological city underground. With the loss of their parents and left to the mercy of those around them, they struggle to reach a goal that is similar, yet neither one knows it.
The young girl utilizes all she knows from her deceased mother to grow into adulthood as she dreams of one day meeting other people and ending her loneliness. Yet, the surface world is not without dangers, as each winter brings those that seek to enslave her and others living on the surface world. A chanced meeting with a young man may not only save her, but grant her so much more...
The young boy lost his parents in an accident and has suffered at the hands of the system that governs the underground city Babylon. With his self-education and his kindness, he rallies other orphans like himself to escape to the surface world and find a home of their own. Upon his dream coming true, a deep feeling leads him to a young woman in distress at the hands of the very ones he had escaped from.
Together, the two young adults utilize all that they known to find safety from the ones that hunt them down. Along the way, they discover that there are some things that no amount of wisdom from a parent or a book can explain the strong attraction to one another...
Journey is a completed story of 60,113 words of the science fiction/romance genre set in a post-apocalyptic word in the distant future. This story is a target for both young adult and adults alike that enjoy a story about a love that has taken many years to come to fruition. It is also a story about the nature of humanity when taken away from all they had once known and the decisions that the survivors have made to create the worlds the two main characters grow up in. This is my first book. I am a college graduate with an associates degree in applied science and a bachelor's degree in legal studies, but the legal field did not appeal to me upon graduation. I focus my free time on my hobby of writing stories, and would like to make a career out of what I love.
I would be happy to send the manuscript to you for consideration upon your request. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Better? Worse? |
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