Forum Agents Query Letter

Dear (name of agent here),

Nox, Goddess of the Night, has been condemned to be reincarnated in human form until her soul is either destroyed or redeemed, Callign, a dark and rather self-reliant senior, newly enrolled in Ophiem high, is suspected to be Nox by the descendants of her first children, now Richard, a two-hundred year old vampire with a crush on Nox, and Ezekiel, a hot-tempered young werewolf, must settle their difference and come together to protect Callign and inform her of her true identity. Children of Nox is a 60,000 word young adult fiction.

When Callign is moved from her beloved home town of Miami Florida to the depressing quietness of Ophiem Montana by her seemingly erratic mother. She is shocked when she discovers there is much that is kept hidden from public eye of the naïve people in the small town. Three families have signed a shaky peace pact that puts a pause on a feud that dates back to times before ancient Rome. A young male from each of these families has taken an interest in Callign, two Richard and Ezekiel are to be her protectors from the third. Baldric, a young male hunter, sworn to help in the cause of ridding the world of vampires and werewolves, takes pause when he finds out about Callign and who she is supposed to be. Images and feelings plague him as he cannot shake the thought that he was once her lover. He must battle his family to truly discover what these feeling mean and the truth behind who they both are, before she is destroyed.

I’m a young writer who began writing in high school, I finished my first Novella, Dancer of Swords, in May of 2008 and self published it through Createspace.com. I sold close to fifty copies and it has given me the confidence to seek out serious publication for my finished Novel Children of Nox. I thank you so much for your time and hope to hear back from you soon.

Dear (name of agent here),

Nox, Goddess of the Night, has been condemned to be reincarnated in human form until her soul is either destroyed or redeemed. Callign, a dark and rather self-reliant senior newly enrolled in Ophiem High, is suspected by the descendants of the goddess' first children to be Nox herself.   Now Richard, a two-hundred-year-old vampire with a crush on Nox, and Ezekiel, a hot-tempered young werewolf, must settle their differences and come together to protect Callign and inform her of her true identity.

When Callign is moved from her beloved home town of Miami, Florida to the depressing quietness of Ophiem Montana by her seemingly erratic mother, she is shocked to discover how much is kept hidden from public eye of the naïve people in the small town: Three families have signed a shaky peace pact that puts a pause on a feud that dates back to times before ancient Rome. A young male from each of these families has taken an interest in Callign; two, Richard and Ezekiel, are to be her protectors from the third, Baldric, a young male hunter sworn to help in the cause of ridding the world of vampires and werewolves.  Baldric finds out about Callign and who she is supposed to be, and he cannot shake the thought that he was once her lover. He must battle his family to discover the truth behind who they both are before she is destroyed.

Children of Nox is a 60,000-word young adult novel.

Thank you for your time.

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You should NOT say anything about self-publishing, nor that you started writing in high school.  Saying that your first novel sold "close to fifty copies" is a bad move.  Agents and publishers are only interested in hearing about previous writing if it was professional or won a prestigious award.  You should also specify what genre, in addition to YA, your novel is:  "Children of Nox is a 60,000-word young adult paranormal novel," for example.

Note corrections to punctuation and such in the above query letter.

There's a website called Query Shark where you can submit your query letter and possibly get feedback on how to improve it.  http://queryshark.blogspot.com/  You should also read the feedback posted there on others' queries; most of the advice applies to everyone.