Forum Horror Darkness Foreordain

This is the first three stanzas of another epic poem I am working on.
What do you think of the idea, the rhyme, anything else?

'Twas the midst of bleak November, so distinctly I remember:
from all the wide, white shores, a single grain,
a single grain of sickly sand was washed up to the land,
where it rested for a moment on the peaceful plain;
just as soon it was removed from the terrain -
deemed unfit to remain

Yet the plovers waded still and ran along the sand dune hill,
the beach grass waved in an endless refrain;
and the red fox pounced and played in the grassy fringe cascade:
over all the scene a quiet harmony did reign;
and then the clouds foretold of coming rain;
the clouds spoke to us of pain.

There, on the horizon line, we saw the tiny white outline;
a tiny, white, offensive little stain:
and the silhouetted form was being haunted by the storm,
which lashed against the ripped and shredded jib and main;
the ship was wracked and tortured from the strain,
but still the ship did remain.

Incidentally, the ship is the Mayflower, which lands on Provincetown
fifteen men, including Miles Standish. The poem follows the men as
they explore and destroy. Eventually, something bad happens.
Poewannabe

you've definitely got a good start and it's surely like Poe. i like the bit about one grain of sand and the jib . . .

my only problem with it is the rhyme scheme . . . it feels like a kid to me, but then again, I hate rhyming.

good stuff.

Thank you for taking interest in my work. I read the beginning of your epic, and I am really impressed. There is one thing I would suggest here. There is a bit of over-rhyming here. If the epic poem is to be long, the rhyme must come naturally lest it dulls out your content. Just a thought, though. I could be totally wrong here.

Love your writing, although I am not into horror at all. (Love horror movies, though)

Nihad

hey thanks for the advice guys... I appreciate that.
I'll seriously consider making it less 'rhymey.'
Poewannabe

I agree and disagree with them Poe. If you want to make it a very thick rhyme scheme, I say go for it, but, and here's where I agree with them, to keep the rhyme scheme going would require a HUGE vocabulary or you'll end up having to use words like "it" and "fit", which are very childish rhyme schemes, and probably wouldn't fit a horror story.

My advice is to go with Nihad's advice, but it would definitly be cool to see a whole story written like this.

Hey, thanks DJ, for the good advice.
You are right, the required vocabulary was challenging.
Thankfully, I did not have to resort to such elementary rhymes.
It took one solid month to complete twenty stanzas.
Cheers,
Poewannabe