Aspiring New Authors Forum A Man Does Weep

   This is on my poem 'A Man Does Weep', I feel like explaining it properly. is the link if you like to read it and possible review it. 'A Man Does Weep' tells the story of a man running from the law because he killed his girl trying to find some sanctuary.

 

   The narrative poem also hides a submeaning of how man destroys nature. The first stanza is filled with words to do with nature 'Forest', 'Park' and is all shown in a good light the further the progress down the stanzas the more man takes over until in 6 'Nothing green within my sight' 'staring at cold metal bars'.

 

   The death of the girl shows how man destroys the beautiful things without realizing it and stanza 3 also uses the 'rope' to say man can stop its consumption. The police and shown to be two-faced on one side protecting people on the other finding a 'scapegoat' and being 'swine' to some. The cops are the multinational companies who on one hand save the environment but on the other just do it for profit.

 

Can people see this and offer advice on how to intigrate this idea better into the poem.

 

Thank, John Morris.  

Wow John that sounds really interesting! I'm glad you left this post, I love hearing about the meanings or in some cases "hidden symbolic meanings" of writer's piece. I will definitely have to check out this poem! Thanks for the post!

Wow, you put alot of work into this poem. I had to read it over and over to try and grasp it completely and I'm still not sure if I'm giving it the proper attention it deserves, but I'll try.

After reading stanza one again, I feel like you display the man's very , but I'm a little confused when I get to the word "blamed" for. To me it sounds like the man doesn't accept his actions, doesn't take the "blame" as a consequence for what he did. I understand he's sitting there starring at "nature" starring at beauty, a beauty he destroyed, shouldn't he feel guilty? Or at least in disbelief of what he did in this stanza. I feel like he wants to pass blame instead for some reason.

Stanza two was a bit confusing for me, I don't know if he's in the jail, or at the park running some where, I'm a bit confused.

Stanza three to me, I think painted a good picture. I saw it as you trying to write about a memory... did I understand that right... sorry if I'm not understanding correctly but I'm trying to. Anyways, to me it paints a beautiful picture of loving memory, and then "regret" ...finally we see more in depth his pain, and that's a good thing, it makes him more human to me, rather then a criminal. Loved the wording about the "rope", like you had mentioned in my guild forum on A.N.A., in your writer's notes.

Stanza four confuses me again, sorry. I keep wanting to question did the guy really kill his girlfriend, or did he get blamed for what someone else did to his girl, cause why would anyone want to smile about what he did?

Then you write "scape goat" which literally means "a person or group made to bear the blame for others or to suffer in their place." So I'm confused again here, why is this guy acting like he did something terrible, but isn't willing to pay the price for his "mistake" is he really loved this woman??? If he really loved her, and knew what he did was wrong, wouldn't he be waiting to be taken in, instead of running from it??? Or is he just scared? I'm trying to understand this person, and it's just not clicking for me, no offense.

Then we go to the last stanza and the guy sees nothing but cold metal, he put himself in a prison, and seems to regret the beauty he destroyed with his own anger, he seems believable again in this stanza, questioning himself. And the sub meaning here is definitely a powerful one, as was stanza one. It paints a great contrast between the two.

All and all I think you put alot of work into this poem, alot of thought, and I think your passionate about your work for sure. I'm just having difficulty trying to understand the character's actions throughout the poem, because the middle section doesn't seem to make sense to me. I think you did GREAT though in stanza 1 and 6, I would leave them as is, but I would probably make some small adjustments to the middle section. Just my opinion, take it or leave it. Perhaps I didn't understand the meaning you were trying to get across at all, and if so I apologize. I do appreciate though, the time you took to further explain your writing in A.N.A., it helped me understand better, and I can definitely appreciate the sub meaning you put into your poem most better. Over all I think you did a pretty good job! Keep it up, and I'd like to see what more you have to write as well! =)

Again hope you didn't take offense to anything I said, I just wanted to give this piece the review the attention it deserved! Especially when I can tell a write put alot of work, and thought into it.

Sincerely,

-Nataliya

Thanks and no i didn't take offense.

 

Maybe it needs some more adjusting I'll have another go at it later though the reason I had the man thinking that he was blamed for stuff is that I'm trying to convey the idea that man is destroying the planet without really thinking about it but if we get time to sit and think of our actions we can see we are killing the planet. The girl symbolishes the planet.

 

Thank for giving me your opinion,

John Morris

Ahh! Ok I see where your coming from now. Now it makes much more sense to me. Well I'm glad you didn't take offense to my opinion. I just wanted to be honest in my review. Send me a read request when you update it, I'd love to check it out again. =)