Emerging Fantasy : Forum : On showing subtle manipulation..


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On showing subtle manipulation without blasting it at the reader

9 Years Ago


Originally posted by AlanThomas
Originally posted by C. Rose
I'd like to talk about

-First Lines/ Hook
-When your fantasy/sci-fi concept is meant to be semi-subtle like mind reading or mind control. For example I have a character who has her motivation altered. He pats her on the head, there is a tingling sensation that rolls down her scalp. And then she suddenly changes her mind. Some reviewers have found this confusing. But I don't want to 'tell' what is happening. Suggestions? General or Specific.
Maybe try setting up an equation and let the reader "do the math" so to speak. I don't know the specifics of your story or characters, but for instance, you could have your female character very passionate about her motivation, even quite vocal about it. Then, the man who has the power to change it can have a reputation for changing things, or whatever. Is his power known by other characters? Put those two things close enough together to have it fresh in the reader's mind. 

p.s. This question could maybe be it's own thread, but that's probably up to Tristyn.

Hi There!

I thought this was such a good question that it needs it's own thread. I'm struggling with the same thing in my novel, so I'd really like to know this too. Thanks C. Rose for asking the question. And thanks Alan for your response.

I've found it really difficult so far to show the equation. The first time it happens is between my main character when she meets a guy, and he basically spends the rest of the book manipulating her. I've got a section later on in the book that brings up questions and eventually leads her (and the reader) to that realisation, but I don't know how to show it at the start of their friendship without completely giving it away. I mention her getting distracted by his gestures and saying something different to what she originally meant to say, but since she has a habit of doing that anyway, I'm not sure if that is enough of a clue.

C.Rose - You might be able to just add one or two sentences to describe the effect as it happens. I'm assuming the reader knows what her original motivation is, and if you can add a few words like....

"I felt his hand brush my head and a shiver ran down my back. The distraction was enough to make me pause. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do it his way. He had some good points. After all, where was the harm?"

Obviously, I don't know the context, or what sort of voice you're using, and that's probably not subtle enough for what you wanted, but you get the idea. (That's basically what I did in my story, and I'm still not sure if it works, so feel free to ignore it. :P) Readers can pick up very subtle clues - especially fantasy readers who know that there will be something to notice - so don't be afraid to put in less clues than you think they need.
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Re: On showing subtle manipulation without blasting it at the reader

9 Years Ago


Another question for your input.... If you were reading a fantasy book, would you prefer to have tiny hints that something's not quite right, or would you rather know that there's something wrong and see it play out while the MC is still unaware?


Background: in my story, I'm trying to show manipulation of memory, and I was wondering if I should play out the events as they happen, and then have her remember differently when she looks back at it, or have it happen as per the altered view (it's altered as it happens). Should the reader only get to see what the MC does, or should they get a bit more information? (The story is in close first person view)
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Re: On showing subtle manipulation without blasting it at the reader

9 Years Ago


Originally posted by Tristyn
Another question for your input.... If you were reading a fantasy book, would you prefer to have tiny hints that something's not quite right, or would you rather know that there's something wrong and see it play out while the MC is still unaware?

I would definitely want the hints and have the reveal at some point so I gain understanding only when the MC does. I like being inside the MC's mind to feel closer to them, and I'm invested in the character as well as the story.I think the trick is to make the hints subtle enough so that the reader isn't able to guess ahead of time.
Watching something I already know about play out is merely observation. 

-Alan.
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Re: On showing subtle manipulation without blasting it at the reader

9 Years Ago


Tristyn,

I thought about this and I think the problem is your characters habit of being distracted by hand gestures in the first place. This turns the manipulator's power into a non-event which only has significance because you, as the author, says it does. That usually works fine in fantasy but in this instance, there's a conundrum. I'm thinking you can either take that habit away from your MC or give the manipulator a different mode. 

-Alan
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Re: On showing subtle manipulation without blasting it at the reader

9 Years Ago


Thanks Alan, there are some really good thoughts there. I'll see if I can't change her habits to make it stand out more.