I Am Woman : Forum : Feminism+Relationships=?


8 Years Ago

(I hope there isn't a thread like this already...If there is, please don't hurt me XD I'm new here, by the way :) )

I was wondering what are your thoughts about a feminist having a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband? Does it make them less of a feminist?

I am a strong feminist, and I do have a boyfriend, and some people (even him) say that having a relationship kinda goes against feminism. I obviously don't think so and to be quite honest I think such thoughts are pretty much stupid.

I was hoping for some fellow feminist opinion about this. So, do you think that having a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife makes a feminist less of a feminist? 

Re: Feminism+Relationships=?

8 Years Ago

I guess it really depends on what your opinion of feminism is. I see modern feminism as a celebration of the gender, not bra burning or repressing men. This isn't the 60's anymore and women have been liberated. In that sense, I'm not a feminist because I don't believe having a womb makes me any smarter/better than a man. 

Personally, what's wrong with having a relationship? It's human nature to want to companionship. Surely in sharing yourself with another person, you are sharing your femininity? Why should you be lonely just because you are comfortable with your gender? 

I don't get why its un-feminine to want to get married and have children. Marriage isn't an institution designed to enslave women, its about sharing your life with someone. Nowadays, its very much a spiritual thing and the whole ceremony is just a demonstration of that. And when it comes to kids, well, isn't that what the female body is designed for?! It's a natural, biological act. If anything, producing children is the most feminine thing you can do!

There are far too many stigmas attached to things like this. Sorry if I waffled on, I just don't think being a feminist should force you to give up on relationships. You should be happy, you only live once.

Re: Feminism+Relationships=?

5 Years Ago

The definition of feminism differs from person to person. However I think that feminism is defined as finding empowerment in being a woman despite the obstacles of a patriarchal society. This definition can include a wide variety of situations. For example, even my husband (also a feminist) is repressive. He does not do his share of the chores, he discounts my feelings and fears as a mother. I am patient with him and explain to him how his views are harmful to me and other women like me and what he might do to be a part of the cause and not the problem.
It's my goal as a feminist to overcome those obstacles of being in a nuclear relationship. I don't think it is my job to be the housemaid or sole caregiver of my child. These views have strongly and positively affected my husband and how we raise our son. I think I should be able to choose what I want and have my husbands full support in that. I chose to be a stay at home mom. I breastfeed. Some feminists look at this as a step back for women. There have even been arguments that mothers need to define themselves as women and not mothers and should therefor not breastfeed. I don't agree. As a feminist I recognize that there are a spectrum of circumstances that feminists exist in and they should each actively seek to right the wrongs in each situation. I want to be seen as a strong individual and also a mother. I love being a mother. I find empowerment in the capability of my body and psyche in facing and confronting child rearing head on.  It took a lot of fighting to feel empowered as a mother. There are still instances, though, when people discount me as a human being and as a mother for certain actions that they feel conflict with my ability to parent. These are the instances where being a feminist comes in handy.

Re: Feminism+Relationships=?

4 Years Ago

No realationship should make you less of a feminist :)
However it is true that most people who don't know much about feminism have this (mostly wrong) fixed idea of how a feminist should act/live/etc. Trust me, I have a lot of personal experiences in this field ... and the confusion that comes from people when I tell them that, yes, I am a feminist, but I would like to have a traditional monogamous marriage, is almost priceless ;)
This is sort of a confused reply, but what I really wanted to say was that with all these fixed opinions/ideas that mostly don't relate to what's really going on ... I had to take a more cheerful, comic approach.

Re: Feminism+Relationships=?

3 Years Ago

Feminism is the empowerment of women.  Its what the movement has always been and the cliched ideas from the 60's and 70's lead to a very masculine view in the 80's.  That has shifted.  You see, each decade of feminist have added to the pot and have changed the way men treat women.  The greatest tool of change is being a wife and mother.  We raise our children to become the next generation, so how we view our roles and shape theirs has always been a part of it.  The first generations just could not see the effect.  I really do believe it is a power thing.  I was raised with brothers who babysat for extra money, cooked and did laundry in the 70's.  I have a husband who is the polar opposite, but has morphed into another person since being married to me.  No changing diapers lasted about 2 weeks until every one else left us.  He is now chief carpool operator since I commute.  I've just used all the tools at my disposal to promote the change.  
Overall, I think you can gain empowerment through a relationship, and in the process open some eyes.  Its kinda like a covert operation behind enemy lines, but the funny thing is, you learn their not really the enemy, just misguided.

Re: Feminism+Relationships=?

2 Years Ago

I am a feminist and I am married. 

Most of my friend who are feminists are in relationships and/or have children. Society believes that feminists are supposed to be by themselves and are totally against love and family. I had a guy imply that the other day and I asked him, "Do you think we all eat babies or something"? 

In reality, feminism is about equality and human rights. That includes love and relationships. I am allowed to love, f**k, suck, and do what I want because I am a woman and I know what I want. 

Embrace your love and your feminism, Sis!