Lights in the Dark : Forum : You vs ?


You vs ?

2 Years Ago


Hey guys. Sorry for my absence. Things have been pretty crazy lately. Anyway, to follow up Kaiju's wonderful post questioning why we change ourselves based on worldview and how it's important not to (sorry if I'm misquoting you, Kaiju), I wanted to bring up another issue: when we get into conflict, we feel as though we're fighting against someone, but who?

I have, myself experienced this conflict. Just last night, a situation arose that didn't call for all-out conflict, but I for some reason escalated it to such heights. When things were silent (note silent not solved) I sat down and asked myself who I was really facing? Was it the other person involved in the conflict? Was it the person who's actions led to the conflict? Or, and here's where it all came together, was it me that I was against?

The truth is, when we're confronted with conflict, we as human beings automatically place blame, point fingers, and go into an offensive/defensive state of mind. This is especially true for those like me, and probably some of you. We just go on and follow our blind instinct without bothering to use reason. And when confronted with why we acted as such, we try to justify it rather than apologize as we should. We often act on our emotions and use that.

I recently used my emotions as an excuse because two days ago my grandmother died. Combine that with the anger of something a supposed friend did years ago that you had no idea of coming back to bite you in the rear, I wasn't in the best frame of mind for conflict. But, thing about conflict is, it doesn't care if you're in the right mind for it or the mood. It comes when it wants. Then it all comes down to how you handle it.

You see, conflict brings us to a point where we want to blame people. Say that someone is against us. The truth about that is that we are against ourselves. The way we scream, shout, and blame only shows that there is something inside of us that we don't want to take responsibility for. We don't want to say that it was us, that we're to blame. But the sad truth is that, sometimes, we are the ones to blame. True that there are time were we don't do anything wrong and want that to be known in the midst of conflict. But the problem isn't who's responsible, but how we approach it.

So, in conclusion, the one person we are truly facing off against in a conflict is none other than ourselves. For it is within our power to decide how best to handle a situation. No matter what it is, we have the choice to step back and say, "Hey, am I really responsible here? If I am, why should I carry this on into something it doesn't need to be instead of just apologizing and accepting responsibility? If I'm not, then can't I approach this calmly and peacefully? Does it have to be a fight?" 

You are the master of you. I know it's really hard sometimes, but in times of conflict, try to look past your emotions and use reason. If you find that you ARE the one responsible, then don't try to blame someone else and just accept the responsibility. Apologize earnestly, admit that you were wrong and the conflict is over. If you're NOT the one to blame, try to approach the manner calmly. Apologize for the actions you ARE responsible for, then try to kindly, calmly and peacefully explain to the other person what truly happened. Lastly, BE HONEST. And I don't just mean to the other person involved, but with yourself as well! Honesty is always the best policy. Be honest with yourself and admit where you went wrong and what you did wrong. Then, after your bout of soul-searching and self-honesty, be honest with the others you're in conflict with. Either apologize for your wrongs, or calmly set the situation right. But, please, do so with a cool, calm, and level head. Exploding and being angry will only worsen the situation.

Now, here we part with an inspiring quote from an old movie. Shout out if you know it.

"Be excellent to each other and party on, dudes!"

-Kent