The (Practically) Perfect Review
Welcome to The (Practically) Perfect Review! Remember, that nothing is perfect in this world, and so, we must add the 'practically'. If you do find the perfect review, however, let us know. I personally would consider that perfect review one that gives you a portal into written worlds. It would also come with lots of candy......and a unicorn......
Anyway, back to business!!
SEND ALL REVIEW REQUESTS AS A MESSAGE TO BELLA CATTEN!!!
NO SLACKERS ALLOWED!!
Each member is handpicked by yours truly, through a test that each initiate must pass. In this group, writers looking for honest reviews can message me (Bella Catten) and I will either review your work myself, or I will send another group member on the job. Poetry and stories will be reviewed within the week, but long things like books may take longer. If your book is incredibly long (longer than five chapters), I may have the reviewer only review every other chapter or so, or do one grand total review at the end.
ALL REVIEWS ARE COMPLETELY HONEST.
If your spelling/grammar sucks, we WILL tell you. Poorly constructed pieces DO take away from the reader's enjoyment, and your rating may get points docked. If there are five spelling/grammar mistakes or less, they will be clearly mentioned in the review. IF THERE ARE MORE, we will just say to look it over.
THERE IS A PRICE.
Whoever reviews your piece, you are required to review at least one of their pieces. I'd say you're getting a better deal, as our reviewers are handpicked, but you do have to give some sort of review on their work.
MATURE/EROTIC PIECES ARE DODGY.
I myself do not feel comfortable reading that sort of thing, and if I can't find a member who is willing to read something of yours that is inappropriate, I will message you my apologies. If there is no one that is comfortable reading your work, then it won't happen. I'm very sorry.
ONLY ONE REVIEW A WEEK PER PERSON.
WritersCafe is a very crowded place, and we just don't have the time to do hundreds of reviews every day. From each Sunday to each Saturday, you can only request to have ONE THING reviewed. These reviews are thoughtful, and take effort. It's not just some falsely optimistic drudgery somebody did to get a review from you. This is real.
I AM IN CHARGE. PERIOD.
Everything will go through me, Bella Catten. ALL MEMBERS will know that ONLY I will send them review jobs, and if you try to ask them for a review job, they won't do it unless they decide to be extra nice. SEND ALL REQUESTS TO ME, AND I WILL GET YOU A REVIEWER. I will send you a message saying that your message was received, and tell you the name of your reviewer. Next thing to do is to just sit back and wait for your superb review.
PAY YOUR DUES.
Don't be stupid. If you don't review your reviewer back, the reviewer will tell me, and I will add your name to my list of No Service people. You will never be offered our service again, and the review will be deleted from your piece.
REMEMBER, SEND ALL REQUESTS TO BELLA CATTEN.