The Review Club Forum Mike's Discussion

Guess I've been away for quite a while...I can't even find my discussion thread anymore, so I figured I'll start a new one.

BTW, I've reposted The Secret Era. It's gone through significant changes in case anyone wants to re-review it. I'm still in the process of re-formatting the later chapters for online viewing...

Malenkov, thanks for the review on chapter 01. I'm pretty blown away at how thorough your review is. You've given me a lot to think about; I'll have to read your comments again to absorb everything.

One more thing...I have two more classes before I finish grad school. So I should have some time to get back into things around here after finals...can't wait to start reading and reviewing again...

It'll be great to have you back Mike. :)

glad to help, what I read was really good, so I'm looking forward to seeing the new version.

Malenkov-

It's interesting that you're suggesting to move the story ahead to the lecture. I'd agree that the lecture is where the story gets interesting. Actually, the previous version of the story started around that point. But in that version, it was Professor Chambers who was the main character rather Bailey. That's kind of why I pushed that sequence further back; I wanted to delve a little more into Bailey and Marco, since Bailey will be the central character of this story arc (which answers your question, Cameron...thanks for the review btw). I guess I figured that starting from the lecture would have put the Prof as the main character, but you're right. I'll have to think of a way to bring the starting point closer to the lecture, while maintaining Bailey's perspective...so much think about.

Cameron-

Thanks again for the review. You're right, this was originally going to be a series of short stories. But in the last round of re-editing, I've switched it up a bit. It's been narrowed down to four story arcs. You're also right in that it's kind of an opening narration (although I haven't read Starship Troopers, or even watched the movie for that matter). But Bailey's character will be revealed a little more later. If you want to skip ahead...that could be found in chapter 8...

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Cool beans. I am definitely looking forward to reading more. I think you can bring it right to the action without the set up necessarily. Maybe not right to the beginning of the lecture, but having the conversation between Marco and Bailey happen when they're walking into the hall? Just a thought. Btw, thanks for the review on Letters, I do appreciate it.

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Yes, its swings and round abouts to use the old brit cliche - its a trade off. I cautiously expressed this advice because, yes, it would amount to an even slightly delayed opening for your main character, or would overshadow.

Assuming you are tending to emphasise the lecture first i would still retain the scene, just reverse the order. It might fit well in the following:

This might be a scene order to experiment with:

1. Students enter the hall
Very short scene (two paras / half page) where Marco and bailey are about to enter hall. This gives us a glimpse of your main characters. As a possible model: in Brave New world, ship landing on top of the Hatchery.

2. Lecture scene
Prof asks question
Bailey challenges Prof
Prof invites Bailey

I havent read Chap 2 but based on chap 1 you might try:
Chap 2:
3. Bailey and Marco relationship
Your orginal opening

4. Prof reveals Secret Era to Bailey

Raymond Obstfield suggests deferring the exciting bit - the revealtion of the Secret Era (remember I havent yet read your chap 2) - by a chapter or a scene to add suspense. Readers will be hungry to know, what is the secret era? - and you can use that to add suspense by making them wait a chapter or scene, and wedge in between your character work here. That sort of happens in Brave New World, if I recall right, when the World controller turns up on the scene, mysterioiusly talking about Brave New Worlds policies, followed by a shower scene where we get to see one major female charatcer- in this case dating. Strangely, a major male character doesn't even appear until about mid way in the book.

Meredith talks of novels being story or plot driven (he doesn't exactly use that term). The story driven novel is character driven - and so its less about plotting than letting your character posess the story and tracing out the character change. But according to Meredith if you want to emphasis the politics / economics etc then then the character stuff, while its important, may not be the crux, and it may not be desirable to have character change - if character possession thwarts the exploration of the ideas for example.

That's not to say "character is unimportant" far from it, but rather what is driving the novel: character or ideas / issues / plot. Thats only a model, and like all models it has flaws. So feel free to throw it away. I only mention it to help explain the comments. Its also worth mentioning that Huxley, the model I suggested, was also criticised for his flat characters - probably slightly unfair - but then I'd gladly accept that criticism to have a book of his quality...

Anyhow, thats just some thinking but I hesitate to pain that in glaring black or white terms: character or issues. Great books and their writers do both: Doestevsky, Shakespear for example...

Hope some of that helped

Mike,

Just finished reviewing chapter 1 of The Secret Era.   I realize I am several monthts behing the other reviews, and if i rehashed old stuff, well, just ignore.   Anyways, it was a very enjoyable read and I hope my review helps in some small way.

Nick.