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First Story Every Written Down!

2 Years Ago

Hello, everyone! I am new to this site! I've always enjoyed writing, but when it came to actually putting my stories out there for the world to see I get really bad anxiety. I stumbled across this website and figured why not conquer my fear and write! So, this is the first thing I have actually put out for the public to criticize and/or love. This store is going to be based on a dream a person I met told me. I got his complete okay to turn his dream into a story, and in order to kind of personalize it I've kind of added a bit of my experiences because both stories are very similar. The story will deal with drug addiction, and I am using my own personal experience with being in love with a drug addict. The names are changed, however, the feelings and emotions that both main characters feel are inspired by my relationship with this specific person. This is only a short outtake on my story, and I really hope you all enjoy it. Please let me know how I can change or improve on my writing. It would be such great help. Enjoy!
Wake Up
Waking up is the hardest part of living. Every day is a constant internal battle with my brain and myself. “Get up,” my brain prompts me. “But I don’t feel like it.” I argue. “Get up,” my brain says with more authority and force. “What’s the point?” I ask. “To live.” My brain says. “F**k living.” I whisper to myself, throwing my legs over the bed with such force I almost rouse my wife. She is used to my morning arguments. “Getting up is the first step,” she assures me, “the rest is easy peasy.” If only she understood the war I fight constantly. I don’t have the heart to call her on her bullshit when she stares so innocently at me with her chocolate brown eyes. She was so young, so clueless as to what the world was really like, and I did not want to plague her curly young head with the demons I’ve harvested deep within. She deserved the world and everything beyond it, not a fucked up piece of s**t 42 year old. I can feel her shifting in her sleep, her groans warning me that she is on the brink of waking up because of me aggressively getting out of bed. I reach over and stroke her hair laying splayed across her pillow like a dark waterfall. My hands were so big compared to her tiny face, like a bear paw holding a china doll. She was so fragile to me. She didn’t mind my size. “Go back to sleep, Trish.” I whisper to her. She licked her lips, thick and puffy from deep sleep, and fell right effortlessly into her deep slumber. “I’m up,” I thought to myself. “Step two should be a bit easier, aye?’  

Re: First Story Every Written Down!

2 Years Ago

Hello I am new just join today, and ran into your story would love to share comments and ideas. I thought the idea of the story REALLY has the potential to be a GREAT story because the story idea  is such a real topic. Why so short? lol I Know if you dig deep and even meditated a little you could pull up? create more details. I read the story and understand you were writing in his point of view, but I felt like the stories was limited to your feeling of only being on the outside. try and really feel what's it like to be a addict. I would suggest figurative devices like metaphor, simile, symbol, metonymy, hyperbole, litotes, personification, verbal irony/sarcasm. This is a great topic and good beginning!