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Howl (would love some feed back good and bad)

2 Years Ago

Howl is a story that is a fan fiction (don't judge me) While I am using characters and locations from Power Rangers the show its self is no way involved.

It will get a bit *eh em* 'racy' later and cross certain boundaries that in reality should not be crossed, but I'm no where near these subjects and I have a lot between now and then to get to. 

Howl: Chapter 1: Miwok Valley
The last few days had been a whirlwind for Adam Park. He had been raped by his now ex, his parents kicked him out after finding out he was gay, and now his best friend Rocky De Santos was signing over the deed to a house for him just to keep him from being homeless. 

“You can’t just give this to me Rocky!” he said trying to stop him only to have his hand batted away and continue the signature. “I am 18 years old, this house was given to me by a late relative who I don’t exactly remember, and I have no intention of moving out into the boondocks next to an Indian Reservation.” Adam groaned at him as he finally asked “Do your parents know you’re doing this?” 

Trying to hand him the pen to finish out the all the legal work for the house Rocky responds “It’s mine Adam, I was told I could do what ever I wanted to with it.” Adam still stood there running his hands through his shoulder length black curls as he asked “I don’t know how I’m going to pay for this.” 

Rocky sighed dropping the pen on the document in front of him as he retorted “Who said I even want you to pay me?” Adam started to protest when Rocky decided to compromise. “OK look, The house is worth $60,000 land included. Maybe we start talking small until after you find a job. $100 a month? I know you’re also thinking about college, theres a small tech college about 30 minutes from Miwok Valley in Reefside. ” 

Adam groaned he wasn’t talking Rocky out of this, no way or how. Adam finally started to think about why the house, almost an hour and half from Angel Grove, would be a good thing. A serene view looking down at a quite small town only a 5 minute drive from the house, a small creek on the back of the property, a perfect location for writing his music. Even more important, he wouldn’t be homeless nor would he be any where near his abusive & manipulative ex Jason. 

“Adam you have got to get out of here, you need this place.” the two heard looking back to the doorway finding Rocky’s father Frank. He finally conceded and picked up the pen signing his name. “I own a house now. I can’t believe I own my own place.” He said as Rocky chuckled asking “How much more do you need before I take you up there? Any other clothing or personal items from your parents house? I can call Zack, he can go with us, being a cop your parents can’t deny you entry with him.” Adam gave a nod thinking of a few things, his guitar, a few of his CDs and movies, moving up to the mountain range meant he would need his best coat. Thinking on that a moment he smirked thinking of his first white Christmas, Only a few months away. 

A week had passed and Adam was driving out to his new home. The deed was officially his, he had gathered everything from his parents house, while donating the rest. The house came into view it was simple but far more exquisite than Adam had expected. “Rocky this is nothing like the pictures you showed me ” he said looking at the old homestead style log cabin as Rocky answered “My dad and I did some work on it before I injured my back last year. It was mostly inside replacing the wood floors, paneling, and the roof.” 

The two climbed out of the car Adam opened the back getting out his guitar and a backpack of clothing. Rocky was already at the door waiting on him, Adam looked at him waiting for him to open the door only to have Rocky chuckle at him before taking his hand placing the keys in it. Adam smiled as he inserted the key opening the door. 

Looking around Adam didn’t feel like he was in California, The house felt like it was missing out of Colorado or along the Appalachian mountain range. Propping his guitar case up against a chair made out of branches and tree limbs, the couch matching along with the side tables and coffee table. Adam and Rocky then walked on in the house, Across from the spacious living room was a small dinning room connected to the kitchen. On back he found a small bathroom, two bed rooms, the Master bedroom and master bath. 

“Why didn't you tell me this place was fully furnished?” Adam asked as Rocky groaned answering “Because I knew you wouldn’t sign if I had told you.” Before Adam could retort Rocky added “I also knew you wouldn’t sign if I told you the place is crawling with huge wolves.” Adam looked at him wondering if he was serious. “Just wait until morning and watch near the creek”

Re: Howl (would love some feed back good and bad)

2 Years Ago

Well, I read your first chapter after saying somewhere else that my attention span won't allow me to read anything more than poetry. But, I started reading and finished the whole thing. Apart from a few incidents of spag (which I'd list here if I could, but ask me and I'll point them out) I thought this was a very excellent first chapter - a chapter that kept my attention even though I don't have much attention lately (that's a whole other story). 

You describe things well, and make the reader feel like they're right there with your characters and environment, and that's no mean feat. 

So, allowing for the attention span of a gnat, I'd be interested to read more.

Good work!