Want Some Reviews? Forum Willing to review anything!

This is my first story.

 Clearly, there are a lot of people who want their stuff reviewed. 

 I'm a member of another site too, and I got to tell you, stuff gets reviewed there much easier... I've gotten 3 reviews here, but like 30 there.... (there is a stuff with points there, but at least for me, that hasn't been a problem) 

the site is writing.com so you might want to check it out...

 other news, if you want to throw some reviews my way, I've uploaded something new here. Have a great day!

hi can youread my newest entry please...i really some advice for me to improve.thank you!

Thanks!

 

It is a supernatural fiction about a girl that gets lost in the woods and finds herself in a strange city.

Ghosts.A clown parade. The festival of the crossed arms.The school bells have rung.A clown has a chalk, ready to devour minds.An army armed with chalks.That’s a lash for poor dimensions, distribution and the layout of the text.Student Protest.Squashed by dawn. Clothe yourself in the rags of the richesClothe yourself in the coat of materialismFor you are forgetting the porous odour which is stamped on top of you headThe stench of victimisation.  Don’t worry my children.The bull is here to save you.It comes on horsebackIt comes from messengersOpen to allAccept  my messagePrithee  Come to the pit.I will show you the grave of heroesI will show you the grave of evildoersWelcome to the middle ground.Lord Mithras has granted you initiation.Be ThankfulHe has prevented war against your brethrenBe ThankfulHe has prevented contractual differences with your brothers and sisters  You cannot reject the macrosom of order.Forget the sobornost ideals.For when they come asking for meI will say “I didn’t know you, Get away from me”MithrasWhere Are You? Your altar lays emptyDecember 25th was his day.How dare theySubstitute an pagan for a pagan.It’s beyond human comprehension.Skinny Dip.   The  tauroctony has started.Rip off his own.Rip  off his mother'sFor she cannot gain any more gratification. The one called female was part of the process of subjugation from the startThe one called female; a horrendous product of natureI am not satisfied with my current female, for I will get a new one tomorrow.I will dominate youThe man will dominate you.I will greatly increase the pain of your pregnancyIn pain you will give birth to chlidrenYour longing will be for your husbandHe will dominate you  They raise their voice, they ring the bells, they form groups.Their cries fall upon attentive ears.The ears retort “For we laughing at you don’t you have any sense”You take swords of truth to us.We give you decrees of liesIndecisive action.“You are easy to manipulate woman” O God rid of her sodomy.O God rid her of sodomyIt’s not the action,it’s the thought O God rid her of life..The process of societal rapture has begun. The nations have heard your dishonorAnd your outcry has filled the landFor warrior stumbles against warrior And they both fall down together Anyone feeling the terror will fall into the pitAnd anyone coming up from the pit will be caught in the trap  Hide from the one that derails from true worshipThe feather quills have started writingTheir fate is sealed for the very day that they conceive, they, they perish into the system.   “You must be the best”“You are my favourite”.We all know the rhetoric has multiple facesClouded by opinions, panegyrics of themselves.The clouds themselves reflect their opaqueness.The Pontiff and the chemarims,  are laughing.  You will not see it coming.For my day will come like a thief in the night.Keep On The Watch.For the voice you listen to, your heart   is deciving .For you woman, you are mixture  of ideals.You will not find your place of resting place.And I saw and look  a pale horse and the one seated on it had the name Death. And the Grave was closely following him.

PM me if you're interested!