Mourning Star

I feel crushed under a weight of hopelessness. Don't they get how crucial this is for my survival? I feel broken, for being stupid enough to believe I had hope, for being stupid enough to think I had a chance, for being stupid enough to think they cared. I knew that I would be let down and hurt but does that make all of this ok? No. Does that make all of this less painful? No. Does that make me any less of a broken person? No. They need to understand that I need to get away from here. I will do anything to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from all of these people, all of this pain, all of these lies. I need OUT and I feel like I'm suffocating under all the failure I've achieved in trying to get out. Can't you give me a sign God? Can't you let me be free of this pain and suffering? I wish I was free. I need to be around new people, new land, new everything where I can start my own life, a new life, where no one knows me or the lies and rumors that have infected my life with venomous treason. I need new friends who don't betray me, I need new family that cares and loves and supports no matter what. But I'm just talking about a fantasy aren't I? None of that will ever happen for me because I'm still just a useless piece of s**t. I can't get past my depression. I can't get past myself. I can't get past this need for new life and a clean slate because all of my mistakes, I've been made to relive, I don't want to do that anymore, I need a glimpse of something that doesn't hurt, something that doesn't make me cry. But a glimpse is just never going to happen.