Can You Love This Scolded Angel?

Can You Love This Scolded Angel?

A Poem by {A}shley {B}lack @-;-
"

That Feeling Of worthlessness

"
Can You Love This Scolded Angel?

I have so many flaws my wings are ash,
tears are like burning sulphur
back scarred by the lash,
I was once your faithful servant
willing only to please,
do you want me to beg?
here I'm on my knees,
the smile upon your face
show that this does please.

"Stand you cheat"   
you lost your chance with he,
"we had our future together before you cuckold me"
you were my angel my one in a million
Now your nothing a mere civilian.

please forgive me it was a mistake
arms reaching out skinny as a rake,
"Keep your touch away from my skin"
she observes the hatred he holds within
please forgive me feel my gentle kiss, 
standing and leaning forward 
he moves to make her miss.

"Your dead to me now leave my sight"
knowing full well she won't survive the night
he hands her a razor blade a smile on his face
vermilion soon drips upon the white lace, 

The angel becomes weak stares lovingly into his eyes
he stares back and forgives all her lies.

"Can you tell me you love me?"
a single word does flow
she was a scolded angel 
his answer was "No"
 

© 2011 {A}shley {B}lack @-;-



Author's Note

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
Tried Something A little different with this one hope you like it?

please give honest reviews

Thank you for reading

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Reviews

You're* in "Now your nothing a mere civilian."

I feel there should be a comma placed in this sentence: "The angel becomes weak, stares lovingly into his eyes"



Other than that I felt sorry for her and it was pretty tragic...especially the ending, that last line's just mean! Ouch! lol

Posted 4 Years Ago


Mmmmmm.....very nice. The only problem with it is every now and then I got confused as to who was speaking. If that could be fixed, I would love this even more. This is definitely being bookmarked as a favorite of mine.

Posted 5 Years Ago


wonderful, descriptive, and powerful made simple and almost sing-songy in its rhyme.

Posted 5 Years Ago


For something different..this is very good..it has deep feeling and the back and forth speech of two was very well done..Valentine

Posted 5 Years Ago


That feeling of worthlessness, I know that all too well. This poem describes it perfectly, you're talented. I love the lines; "knowing full well she won't survive the night, he hands her a razor blade a smile on his face, vermilion soon drips upon the white lace," They're such a beautiful, macabre lines. Grammar points could be improved; you're instead of your, ect. But I loved it.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Deep and intense.. you take the reader on a journey into the abyss of the soul.. and with the answer being no...it makes us wonder more about what happened...what do we do after the answer of no...? perfect..xx

Posted 5 Years Ago


Absolutely incredible! Even words can't fully express how well this was written. :)

Posted 5 Years Ago


Written in elegance and flow so strong. kept me wanting more. And the end strikes a chord with bitterness. Bravo! Excellent work!

Posted 5 Years Ago


Great story, beautifully crafted.
Literally, a bitter end.

Posted 5 Years Ago


WOW...gave me shivers and I could visualize the entire poem....beautifully done!

Posted 5 Years Ago



First Page first
Previous Page prev
1
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

652 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on December 17, 2011
Last Updated on December 17, 2011

Author

{A}shley {B}lack @-;-
{A}shley {B}lack @-;-

Sheriffhales, Shropshire , United Kingdom



About
I Am Ashley Black (an alter ego ) I have a dark mind when it comes to my poetry as the strongest emotions come from negative RETURNING- I have been distant from this site for a while but I am fina.. more..

Writing

Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..