Stripped

 

Tears streaked her face,

As she watched this boy

Slip through her finger tips

Like warm sand.

 

Her heart dropped

And was left behind

Buried beneath

Her lover's skin.

 

It wasn't fair

To let go,

When everything

Began blossoming.

 

It wasn't fair

That her own parent,

Stripped her of

What made her whole.

 

She felt like Juliet,

Trapped in

A star-crossed fate,

Doomed if she loved.

 

But there was nothing

Nothing she could do

To stay wrapped

In such gentle arms.

 

So she watched this boy,

Walk away

Still loving her,

As much as she loved him.

 

Author's Note

Let me know what you honestly think. Pick it apart if needed.

Does it sound professional?

Reviews

[Dianne]

I'm sorry I don't know a damn thing about poetry except when it touches me, and this one does. The loss is almost overwhelming. Be brave and never, never let any one tell you to let go of love.

[D.L. Simmons]

that's so beautiful. wow.
nothing needed.

[Clarisse Nanoit]

Gosh. Seriously; tears. I will probably read this one over and over and cry, because this is EXACTLY what my friend is going through right now, and it's tearing me up with burden. Listen... She's really, really in love with this guy, but because he's mixed, her father has taken everything she has away from her and is trying to force her to break up with the only guy she's ever trusted enough to stay with for more than a week. He's sweet, and the PERFECT guy for her. The timing of this is so perfect... ALL FOR ITS OWN PURPOSE. Very well written, and I love the cover art. One of my favorite movies, it is. :) Definitely one of my favorite stories. Delicately told, and easily capturing the story; I know about that. Thanks for being so talented!!
KH

[robin]

I read it several times and its very good. It rings true from the adolescent point of view. From the adult point of view the love lives at the end and thus didn't slip from her fingers...ever again. I like your style. Like confessional anger, repentant yet gleeful, celebratory.

[Brandon]

Nicely done. I thought it was well written.

[Angel Bird]

This poem has an easy flow, and beauty in its sadness. It's well done, and I really like it.

I'd like to hear it narrated. I think it would even gain in beauty and profoundness.

Great job!

[Legion]

Very sad. This was my favorite part:

"Her heart dropped

And was left behind

Buried beneath

Her lover's skin."


Definetly star-crossed lovers. Nice write though sad.