A high school story

A high school story

A Story by Teenage writer

Jasper Klien was and amazing kids at least that’s what everyone thought he was. He was a high schooler and we all know that high school isn’t all peaches and rainbows. However everyday when he went home he had a shelf specifically marijuana. He used it to escape reality because his parents were always fighting and he was abused. He had good reason is what he told himself to make it seem ok but he know it wasn’t. He thought about rehabilitation but he knew it would go on his permanent record. He always had good grades all a’s. He didn’t want to get in more trouble at home for it either. So he kept to himself and got high while doing his homework and he was high when he went to work somedays. He didn’t have a car cause he couldn’t afford one. One day he was sitting in his room smoking a blunt and crying. He just couldn’t take anymore of anything he sat at his desk and wrote

Dear Mom and Dad,
I love you so very much however I know times are hard I just cant take all the abuse and neglect. I tried to keep all a’s because when I didn’t you beat me until I bled on the carpet and could hardly move then you commenced to beat me again for the stains of blood on the floor. I will miss you. But it is my time to leave this world I will see you in death.

Love,your son
Jasper linchon klien

© 2018 Teenage writer

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Author's Note

Teenage writer
Spelling errors and grammar correctors go ahead

My Review

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I find your work quite relatable and amazing.... maybe 'cause I'm in love with darkness and dark writings....especially getting all A's and parents fighting and abuse hit me hard... I felt as if somebody just wrote my story....

Posted 6 Months Ago

Okay, I'm not sure why this is categorized as a story. Maybe an Intro blurb? Your note tells me your fully aware that this needs editing, which honestly, is sad. If you don't care enough to edit your work why should other people take the time to review it?

Some useful tools for any writer. Microsoft Word spell check and Grammarly (just the free bit) would help polish out all the little things. Reading aloud would also help you catch some misused words, etc.

That being said. The story is very "Tell". It is narrated by the writer and not the character. It lacks believability and context. "Rushed" would be the best overall description. The two biggest questions I'm left with at the end of this are.
1) If his parents were the s***s described here why would he miss them? Why would he even care enough to write 'them' a letter? Did he have no other friends or people he cared about?
2) If he's smart enough to make mostly A's and get his hands on marijuana; why isn't he smart enough to run away?

The "story" simply offers nothing new, but if you were able to build on the questions I gave you (especially the 2nd one) it could have potential.

Posted 6 Months Ago

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2 Reviews
Added on March 2, 2018
Last Updated on March 2, 2018


Teenage writer
Teenage writer

Garrett, IN

I am wanting to be a writer as a hobby and a doctor as a job more..


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