The Beginning

Chapter:1

The first time I knew my life was odd would have to be when I was around seven or eight, that's when the dreams began. Also the time when my dad started to throw himself in his work. I didn't mind my dad because he had to support us but the dreams always stuck with me no matter how long ago it was or how brief, but they never finished.

 I would either be outside or in a room unfamiliar to me and a man would stand of in the distance. I couldn't see his face only a silhouette. He always asked me the same question.

 "Can you sacrifice everything for nothing?" 

After staring at him for a good amount of time I would ask my own question like. "Why stand so far away?" or "who are you?" simple questions about himself or the question he would ask, and he would either nod or answer but only information I need to know.

 So when I woke up I began to write the detail's of my dream into a little journal that no one knew about. As the years went by the scenes began to change. Ike said it was based on who would select me. As if I ever knew what he meant by that all I knew was that. At first it was fire or the inside of a volcano. Next was a warming light that only lasted for a short time and would be over taken with me flailing underwater gasping for air.  By the near end of the dream I would feel a shadow of pure evil. Almost like it was watching me.Over the years though the dreams became more clear vivid and I could control myself better in the environments. The strange man who I called Ike began to notice and told me its because I'm coming closer to age. When I asked what he meant he just shook his head "Another time Nyla another time."

 Then poof was half in my bed my head on the floor. I looked at the calendar June 9th five days before my 18th birthday which meant my traditional visit to the coffee house with Luke. When I looked at the clock I began to relax it was only 5:30 in the morning. I put my waist long hair in a bun and put on some sweats and began to run on my treadmill for a good hour before taking a shower by then it was about 8:10. Now came the hard part the clothes I always had this struggle either dark clothes or bright I could never choose but now I fell more bright so I went for a dress a skinny strap that was green with hot pink at the bottom which was around my knees. It matched perfectly against my olive skin, now the hair. Its natural wave was slightly annoying but after 5 minutes of fighting it look like silk. finally the makeup I went for baby pink perfect.

 When I headed out the door I checked to see if dad was home which he wasn't he only shows up if he needs something which is rarely ever. I walked as fast as I could to the coffee house. I hated making people wait its a peeve of mine. When I arrived I was an hour ahead of schedule it was 10:20. So I made the order one latte for me and black coffee for Luke.

 I sat down at our usual corner that had cushion seats and brought out one of the books i've been reading war and peace and study material for the up coming exam. At around 10:40 Luke arrived I looked up and smiled at him.

 

"Dang it NY every time I want to be early you never let me." I laughed at him and put my book down. 

"you know how I am about being late"

 He gave me that million dollar smile that made most girls melt. But for me it only made me feel warm on the inside like part of his joy was coming over into me. We stayed in the little shop all day, Luke is my only friend I never got along well with others except him.

 People usually shut me out because I'm shy or that I'm a freak because I understand things most people wouldn't thanks to Ike. But Luke always stayed by my side, he's gotten into so many fights over me even though he's considered popular he doesn't care all he cares about is if i'm safe which is why he's so special to me.

 "Hello earth to Nyla?" "HUH? Oh sorry Luke I didn't mean to tune you out there just thinking about tomorrow." 

"Oh yeah remind me again why tomorrow is such a big deal. No no wait its on the tip of my tongue." I rolled my eyes and gave him my best stink eye. "Okay you got me happy early birthday. Now why don't you relax like you're supposed to and i'll grab you another vanilla soy latte alright?" 

"Okay." As Luke got up to get my the birthday latte I couldn't help but take a glimpse at the tattoo on his neck. I didn't know why but i've always loved the way his tan skin popped out even more against the dark tattoo but I could never make it out no matter how long I stared at it. crazy right considering i've known him for ten years and yet still haven't bothered asking him about it and all because of my shy and timid nature.

 

When he finally returned with the latte I was already back to studying and that's how the rest of the day went until the shop owner of the small caffe came over " I think its time for you two to go anywhere but here I mean come on you've been here all day in this stuffy caffe. You know its not good for a healthy relationship." 

Both of us blushed furiously then Luke stood up and cleared his throat

 " Okay Frank if you wanted us gone that badly just say so and stop implying stuff I mean we've come here for years you know we arnt.... you know." he trailed of.

 

Frank just laughed and put me and Luke in a head lock

 "you kids are the bane of my existence sometimes you know." We all broke out into a group laugh before they parted away from the homie little coffee shop.

Author's Note

This is my first post EVER. I have never shared my writing with others please help me grow with feedback. This is only a sample for what's to come I didn't want to rush the plot so its slow now I promise it will only get better.

Reviews

[luvs2write]

Okay, I'm going to start at the beginning of this chapter and work my way to the end....but first, good job on your first post. =) I enjoyed reading it. So, the beginning of the chapter. The first thing that hit me was the run on sentences. Run ons are super easy to fix. Just break down your ideas into more than one sentence instead of blurting it out all in one breath. If you need help, just message me and I'll be more than happy to help you edit. The second thing about the beginning of this chapter was the attention grabber. I feel like you have a pretty good one here about the dreams starting. It would be really cool if you went into detail about the dream though...like instead of just saying how it usually goes, you could write it like she's actually in the dream. I think that would make it a bit more intense. Overall, you have a very nice beginning to your chapter. =)

The rest of the chapter is good. I like the pace you set, not too fast and not too slow. There's still that run on sentence problem, but I think with a little editing you can have those fixed in no time. There was one other grammar issue...you didn't always capitalize the beginning to every sentence. It's not really that huge of a deal, and a very easy fix. I like your dialogue. You have a way of making it sound very believable, like an actual conersation. Nice work. =)

Third and last thing I'm going to touch on...I love the personalities you have given your characters! I really like the way you have showed the reader Nyla's personality by describing the things she does. You have a great start to a great book here...let me know if you are interested in me reviewing your other chapters. Keep writing!!

[kick your buttercup]

Thank you so much for the review I'll use all the things you pointed out when I edit and I would love to hear more from you. I really appreciate you taking the time to read and review this thank you.

[luvs2write]

Your edited version is much better! I noticed something though...in paragraph 10 you switched from first person to third and then back to first again. You might want to change it all to first, just do avoid confusion. This is really great, keep writing!!

[Daisygirl]

Great start! There were some grammar and spelling mistakes but the actual writing was good and the story is intriguing. A few things you might want to look at is adding some more punctuation to the bit where Nyla is getting dressed (cool name by the way) and maybe explain that you call the dream person Ike before calling him by that because it was a bit confusing. Oh and the font switches, I'm not sure if it's on purpose but the first one was definitely easier to read. I loved how you started and the description of the dream was also really good. I'm not the most accomplished editor but that's just what stuck out to me. And once again, great start!

[kick your buttercup]

Thank you so much for reviewing, it means a lot to me for you to take the time to read my writing.

[Heartful5160]

That was a great chapter. I'm pretty good at giving back feedback, because I'm a girl for strong opinion. I believe that this was a good piece. Keep writing!