I, the Clown

I let my friends down

My family, too

I, the clown

Was expecting to.

 

I let my plans fly

Right out the door

I watched them pass by

As I fell to the floor.

 

I let this surround me,

This awful reality,

I now cannot see

The best quality in me.

 

I cannot escape

There is no place to hide

I fear it is too late

With this pain in my side.

 

You might be wondering

What I am talking of,

You will keep pondering

‘til I tell you, love.

 

I am not happy

I shall not tell why

I am sorry to say

You’ve been let down today.

 

I am the clown

You should’ve expected to

Be let down

Just like my friends were, too.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

Oh.....sad clown.....great poem!! I find the penultimate stanza a little confusing. Am a little puzzled as to what it's saying and how it fits into the whole piece. But the poem is absolutely fantastic in every other way imaginable. That repetition for the finale....Bravo!

[Hosimone]

So, that part of the poem is saying that, because the speaker is sad, he isn't able to say what the speaker did. It upsets the person too much, and, because of that, the speaker "lets down" his reader/listener. =]

[emipoemi]

Might I suggest that you fix that second line then so it can be a complete thought? For it was that second line that made everything confusing. Since in this stanza you're breaking from for by putting the rhyme on the last two lines, you won't have to worry about a rhyme for the second line. Simply word it in a way to fit your musicality, and also "why" or "my reason", anything along those lines to really bring it all together.

[Hosimone]

Okay! Thank you =] I didn't see that there. ;)

[emipoemi]

with pleasure.

[Hosimone]

Okay, I think this completes it. Let me know what you think. =]

[emipoemi]

It definitely reads better, and clarifies the main idea, but now you have to ask yourself in which lies more power: active or passive. You mentioned earlier that you wrote the stanza to convey the clown's feelings in an active way ("because he's sad he isn't able to say why")....what you edited it to is something passive (not even the clown knows why he's sad, which in retrospect doesn't quite make sense since you spent the entire poem hinting at why). But as a singular line, it's powerful.

[Hosimone]

Okay, take two haha

[emipoemi]

"cannot" can imply passive...."shall not" will give you that active.

[emipoemi]

....assuming you want the active

[Hosimone]

Ok, haha I am still new to this. ;)

[emipoemi]

that's ok.....with time you get better.

[Hosimone]

Thank you. =] I really appreciate the help. =]