The Glass Box

A holiday without loved ones...

A girl walks briskly through the mall alone.

She doesn’t really enjoy going with others--they hold her back.

She's walking through one of those overlarge malls that has a massive Christmas tree you have to tilt your head back all the way to see to the top. One of those malls that has too many sections that you end up going in circles trying to find the other section. No, not that other section, but the other other section. One of those malls with a whole bunch of upscale, brand-name stores.

Her parents have a good salary, so they gave her a hundred dollars to spend tonight. And since she likes to spend a bit at a time at each store, her arms are decorated with several bags.

This is her favorite part of the year, honestly. The cold, the decorations, the music--everything. Currently, she's sitting outside the Sprinkles Cupcakes booth, at a small, cute table with a Cuban Coffee cupcake. As she idly picks up her first bite, she observes the people around her, seeing--but not really trying to analyze--what kind of people they are. She picks out a family of four, all of them laughing giddily. They aren’t very fancy. Just jeans and a sweatshirt. Her eyes then pan over to another group of people. This time, they all seem to be friends. All of them have ice cream in their hands as they burst out laughing at one of their jokes. Of course, trust teenage kids to eat ice cream in this weather. Lastly, she looks over at a couple standing by the enormous water fountain, not really doing anything. The guy says something to the girl and she giggles shyly. The guy has his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and he plants a light kiss on her cheek.

In that moment, something inside the girl breaks.

A little bit of something spills into her heart, burning it with a little twist and a yank.

She looks around herself and suddenly, all she sees are families with their loved ones having such a merry time. Her heart closes in tighter, making her feel suffocated. The feeling of getting choked doesn’t help either. Like she's watching all this unfold, all the while trapped inside this cage able to see clearly and move from within, but confined to the walls.

She wishes someone actually loved her.

She wishes they would squeeze her until it hurt.

She wishes she had anyone, anyone, that genuinely cared for me.

Be it family, a friend, a lover, anyone.

Literally anyone.

But she doesn't have friends because of a lack of time to socialize at school with all her AP classes. The girl doesn't have a lover either, for the same reason. And she only feels acquainted with her family; like they are her employer and she their employee. Always nagging at her. Always finding a flaw in each of her successes. Always irritated with whatever the girl didn’t have time for. Constantly nagging her with more tasks.

Of course they say they love her.

Of course they’ll tell her they care.

Because they don’t want to lose their employee, probably.

For diplomatic reasons.

To raise a crop which will earn them a house, a car--riches--in the future.

Her throat seems to close up completely, making her head spin with a lack of oxygen. She stares back down at the cupcake, her tongue heavy with the taste of sour bile. Her stomach lurches and she loses her appetite. The soft, brown cake now looks like crap sitting on a plate with a fork speared through it.

I loses the joy of shopping. Of the gifts she bought. Of the whole Christmas feel. She wants out.

But the girl will never escape her reality, will she?

So she might as well continue and pretend like everything's okay, like she usually does.

The faking never fails her.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

All one, yet surrounded by the masses - I think this sums it up nicely. Good descriptions, some happy scenes, some funny scenes BUT its all seen through her lonely eyes. As the story goes on she seems to become suffocated by it all the scenes and emotions around her and the 'glass box' she has put around her self seems to get smaller and smaller. (can't think of a better way to describe it - sorry)

Good imagery and well written.

Mark.

[DB Heinemann]

The tenses are a little awkward like " I walk briskly to the mall" instead of "I walked briskly to the mall" and "I'm walking through..." instead of "I walked through" and "Currently I am sitting..." instead of "I sat down at..." It's not exactly wrong but it's not especially common. Kinda makes it sound like you're describing your movements to a blind person. I'm just not used to it. Feels kinda weird for me.

I laughed at the teenagers eating ice cream part. Being a young, barely adult myself, I totally eat ice cream when it's cold. But yea, that was a nice enough story. It felt just the teensiest bit static in places. The glass box metaphor was a little tricky to relate to. I can understand being trapped in a cage where you can see people living their lives but there's some kind of boundary around you preventing that connection. It was more when the glass box started to squeeze and tighten around your character- glass being pretty inflexible. Glass is also very fragile and light and easy to break. It's used more when trying to describe fragile feelings, not so much deep longings.

I'm thinking more of heavy chains or some large boa constrictor might be better and squeezing and weighing someone down and preventing contact. Perhaps you can combine the two because the glass box isn't a terrible analogy. Or perhaps just tweak it like maybe the glass box is suspended by something that gets pulled further and further away. Who knows? That's just my thinking.

[5hade5layer]

I see. Thank you for your comment! It really helps me see things I wouldn't have noticed otherwise. I will try to fix the stuck parts.

[5hade5layer]

Also in terms of the glass box, I tried to modify it, but I wanted a kind of plain, clean thing to act as a boundary to almost be ironic, but is it too weird? If so, I'm cool with coming up with something different. It's one of those things that makes total sense in my brain, but probably doesn't for everyone else reading it, lol.

[DB Heinemann]

I mean, it makes sense as a boundary and all. It's just the part where it's squeezing or whatever that it sounds weird. Maybe just switch that part with something walls closing in or whatever.

[5hade5layer]

Ok! I will fix that, then.

[5hade5layer]

Thank you for commenting back!

[DB Heinemann]

Sure thing! Anything to help a fellow writer. Let me know if you need further assistance.