The Girl at the Bottom of the Lake

Do you know her, too?

I know a girl, the likes of an abandoned sea shell.

Beautiful, glowing, perfect. On the outside.

Empty, abandoned, dead. On the inside.

She sits in the middle of the sea of the people around her, poised and glowing. But I can’t see her anymore. I can’t see the spark, the blinding glare of her spirit. What I can see, though, is her piercing stare. Her cheeks are pink, teeth spotless, lips red like strawberries.

But her eyes?

Nothing. They are cold, the aftermath of a snuffed flame. They call to me, reeling me in, begging to give her fire before she explodes into her end, her supernova. I stare back at her, wanting to cry for her, because her tears are spent. Wanting to ache and scream because her screams are spent and her pains have rendered her numb.

I cannot move, so I close my eyes, shutting those frightening eyes out. I close my eyes, to save myself from the black hole she’s created.

And when I open them, she’s gone.

Then I feel my throat clench up.

Like a fish drowning.

Like suffocating under an oxygen mask.

It’s odd, because I know that if I tried, if I got medical help, I could.

My hands claw at my strained neck, as I breathe out to suck in air, only to find that my throat is completely closed up. Now my entire body heaves, begging for air.

But still yet, oxygen is a luxury I can’t afford.

Then the floor gives, sending me plummeting down a dark chute into nothingness. I grasp at my head, trying to escape the walls that send me slipping and sliding deeper and deeper into my darkest thoughts.

I shut my eyes, too, but it only makes it worse.

I start to see things I kept buried in the farthest corners of my mind.

Madness in the eyes of the girl in the mirror.

The shivering pen in my fist that refuses to write.

The silent screams in the bathroom stalls.

“Then just die. It’s your life.” The worst pain, I think.

The girl from earlier, who’d stared at me from the bottom of the lake. The one with my cheeks, my smile, my lips.

The one with my eyes.

The one only I can see.

“Come on! We’ll be late!” Then just die, it’s your life.  She says.

“i’ll be there” I call back.

The girl in the lake. Broken. Torn. Empty. Five, four, three, two, one.

And just like that, I am perfect.

Maybe I will just vanish, since it is my choice to make.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

This piece feels like someone spieling the confusion & contrasts surrounding a friend who seems to be losing her grip on life. I love your vivid imagery & uninhibited observations thru-out, but also I feel a bit torn over the "mixed metaphors" (lake, seashore, space . . . where are we?) Even tho I am drawn to poems where a long-drawn-out metaphor is crafted, all in the same vein, I can also appreciated your mixed metaphors becuz of the chaos this imparts, which is suitable for the situation you're explaining. All in all, my favorite metaphor is the seashell, as described in the first 3 lines. I'd love to see such a message that stays with the "sea" motif . . .

[The Iron Horseman]

It starts off great, but I found the ending confusing, the last ten lines or so. Maybe I will what since what is mine?
A couple of typos - 'the walls that send me' and ''the girl in the mirror'.

[5hade5layer]

Hi Iron Horseman,
Thank you for your review! I have fixed the ending and typos. If you could, do you think you could take a look again? A lot of times, stuff I write makes sense to me, but absolutely no sense to others.

(The main character is the girl in the lake. Someone calls her to leave, and she has to return to her perfect self again. Then ending is a reply to the quote).

[The Iron Horseman]

Glad to. Just did. In your final line I think I would make it 'since it is my decision to make.'
read moreGlad to. Just did. In your final line I think I would make it 'since it is my decision to make.'
I am sorry, though, I still just don't get the previous four lines.
A suggestion; I think you know quite clearly what you want to express in those lines but because you know that you are not externalising it well. Try writing out just those few lines in as many ways as you can think of, then reread them and pick the one that you think best describes your idea. You might be surprised at what you come up with!

[5hade5layer]

Awesome, thanks!

[The Iron Horseman]

You're welcome.