dont be fooled by me .......

A honest look at my #1 defalt defence mechanism through out my life, been thinking how long it has been part of me for?....as long as i can remember....

*DONT BE FOOLED BY ME* 

dont be fooled by the face i wear. for i wear a thousand masks that i am

 afraid to take off and none of them are me.

pretending is an art thats second nature with me.

but dont be fooled please dont be fooled.

i give the impression that i am secure, that all is sunny and smooth

within me as well as without 

that the water id calm and i am in command and that i need noone.

but dont belive me 

please...................

my surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask.

beneath this lies no common-place.

beneath this dwells the real me; in confusion, fear, and aloneness.

but i hide this

i dont want anyone to know it. i panic at the thought of my 

weakness being exposed.

that is why i frantically create a mask to hide behind. 

a nonchalant , sophisticated facade to help me pretend.

to sheild me from the glance that knows.

but such a glance is my salvation, my only salvation 

and i know it.

that is if it is fowllowed by acceptance, if it is fowllowed by love.

its the one thing that can assure me of what i cant assure myself-

that i am truley worth somthing.

but i dont tell you this i dont dare..im afaid to 

im afraid that your glance wont be followed by acceptance and love.

im afraid you would think less of me that you would laugh at me.

and your laugh would kill me.

here i am, with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within.

and so begins my parade of masks.

at times i idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk when i want 

to be telling you all of my truths

i tell you everything that is nothing and nothing of whats everything.

please listen carefully anf try to hear what i am not saying.

what i would like to be able to say but what i can not.

each time you smile or are kind to me my heart begins to grow wings,

very feeble wings, but wings.

i need you to know that.

when i am around you, i want you to break down the walls from behind

whitch i tremble.

i want you to remove my mask.

if, through friendship,you choose to break down the walls,

use firm but gentle hands for with out my masks a child is very sensitive..  

Reviews

[I Am Svetlana]

It is never easy for one to live their life behind a mask. We all have our fears, but one day, we have to be strong and brave enough to remove that mask and be honest with the world. It's okay to show emotion and to truly tell people if you are okay or not, it's a part of growing as a person. To build trust with those around you. I used to be this way, some days I still am. I enjoy hiding myself and how it seems how people just walk past you without asking questions about how your day is going or any of that. That way, you are able to stray away from the public and go off and be by yourself. But we cannot hide behind a mask forever...one day, we must reveal our true self.

[Sami Khalil]

"when i am around you, i want you to break down the walls from behind

whitch i tremble.

i want you to remove my mask.

if, through friendship,you choose to break down the walls,

use firm but gentle hands for with out my masks a child is very sensitive.. "

A splendid read and write...Thank you poet for sharing...:)

[Essa G]

Really cool loved it rayree!