...skipping sand dollars

A memory in free form

low tide pulling away
we ran barefoot as overcast clouds rolled
silently overhead
It was a June afternoon
Kye Bay
driftwood logs
peachy pink crab skeletons
Nature litter
gulls chuckling at a distance
cored our fingers into the marbled black and grey sand
digging out sand dollars
clasping grainy sopping mounds of those black fuzzy disks
their quietness like the skies
feet fronds sweeping slower than slow motion
and it slowed us for that moment
you and I
you said you wanted a pure white sand dollar
We only ever found live or half dead ones that day
and the tide pushing back towards us with
familiar urgency to race to the rocky waterline
We skipped those sand dollars
on the moving water
They sank with a wobble
Salt on my lips
Sky in your eyes
Instead of burying each one back into the infinite
Let each one that day feel what it was to fly
as you have now
Flown
Away
My brother
My sand dollar skipping brother
that tidal moment
Black Frisbee fun
the sun cracked through the thickest cloud
As we drove along the airport road
You did skip them further than I
Yeah little brother, you won that time

Author's Note

Ignore all grammar... Thank you for stopping by to read about this moment with my only sibling Aaron. He died in a car crash in 2005.

Reviews

[Michael G. Smith]

What are you talking about "ignore the grammar"? This was one heck of a story! Everything came together here like perfection. I think you hit every sweet spot because I was not able to break away from this vivid mastery. Believe me, I don't give out praises easily. They have to be earned as they are here. I went away from this feeling the closeness that you share with your brother. This also reminded me of my poem "My Dad" if you care to read it. Also, you wrote "thickest clouds", but check out this word that means the same thing "Thickset". To me it sounds more poetic and ever since i stumbled upon it I use it to replace "thickest". Regards- Mike

[DaniElle LaPointe]

THANK YOU so much for the lavish review :D I will read your poem very soon :D

[Michael G. Smith]

Actually my poem is called Remembering dad. You are welcome.

[Coyote Poetry]

I'm sorry for the loss of your brother. These stories we write. Allow us to remember faces and the good days. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry. I could use a hot day and the beach today. 15 inches of snow and locked in.
Coyote

[Steven]

Such a feeling of time running out down the lines, a gasp of air letting go. Excruciating.

[DaniElle LaPointe]

thank you Steven. Anything you would like me to review?

[Steven]

You might find 'Ki' interesting.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

This is a beautiful write! I'm stunned and delighted by the imagery in this piece, and the emotion; so absolutely moving. I love your style, it is conversational and straight forward, leaving out all of the unnecessaries. Well done, and I am sorry for your loss.

[DaniElle LaPointe]

Thank you for the review! I happened to write this out of nowhere and I am delighted that it brings my brother out from the depths of grief and into the minds of others who write. Thank you very much!

[Rose Kavanagh]

What a beautiful, emotional poem. I love how vividly you painted the scene with only a few words, fluid and natural. Lovely work!

[Derek Nall]

Amazing! Powerful emotion and great visuals...makes it feel so real. "and it slowed us for that moment" love it.

[TPK Stories]

Beautiful memory! I know how you feel as I lost my brother back in 1983.

[TPK Stories]

What a beautiful memory. I know how you feel as I lost my brother back in 1983.

[Tree]

First off, I thought your line breaks were right on time. And your technique of forgoing periods by just capitalizing in those areas worked. It felt natural. As for the content I thought it was powerful. You replaced the tendency to be overly sentimental and instead slipped in a beautiful memory. It seems like it's never the big things we remember about those we've lost, but the little things. A well written, and moving piece. I'll be back to check out some of your other work

[Coyote Poetry]

The good description took me to the beach. A beach is filled with wonder and fun. Your words create visions of fun and family. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Todd Mc' Callough]

You have a knack for capturing the joy of childhood play. The flow of this poem is great and I love the description of the black fuzzy disks on the beach.

[DaniElle LaPointe]

Thank you... I like that you decided this was a childhood moment. Perhaps it was "running barefoot" that persuaded you to see children? This moment is tmeless to me as it was like many times we shared at Kye Bay. This day in particular, I had taken my brother for lunch, and surprised him with the new that he was going to be an uncle. He was only 17. And yes being my "baby brother" I usually write with tones of the elder sibling voice. I smiled at your review. Thank you for reading this poem. Writing of him is one of the few humble ways that I keep my brother near my hearts

[DaniElle LaPointe]

And I apologize for my typos... My phone is rather low tech :)