The Ghost of Pineshop

Some take their daily routines to the grave.

Tobi Fisher squeezed his hands into tight fists, attempting to surreptitiously rid his palms of nervous sweat. He was being guided through the stock room of Pineshop, the local grocery of Loams Town. The manager quickly walked past shelf by shelf, summing up in a couple words what each contained.

            ‘How am I ever supposed to remember what’s on every single shelf?’ Tobi though to himself, ‘I’ve lived here not even a week and already I’m in over my head!’

Tobi had just moved in to this tiny town and needed a job. Every person he asked referenced Pineshop, for they were always hiring. When Tobi asked why, they explained that they lose employees almost every week. When Tobi asked again, why, they sighed, shook their heads, and mumbled something about someone named Eugene.

            “And that about wraps us up,” the manager exclaimed.

            “Mr. Plascent?” Tobi began to ask.

            “Please, call me Anthony,” Mr. Plascent offered as he guided Tobi through the stock room doors and back into the store.

            “Anthony, who’s Eugene?”

            Anthony sighed and glanced at his watch. “He’ll be here in a couple seconds.”

            Before Tobi could respond, the front doors of the little store burst open with such force, a muffled BOOM filled Tobi’s ears. Before Tobi could cover his ears, he had to shield his face, for a gale force wind blew into the store and carried in hundreds of leaves, twigs, dirt and other debris.

            Among the elements of nature forcing their way into the store, a translucent old man, who looked to be in his late 80’s, glided in through the doors. As the howling wind subsided, it became apparent that the man too, was emitting his own ghostly wail.

            A ghost! Tobi had to rub his eyes, for maybe all the dirt in the air clouded his vision. Every attempt proved fruitless, for there he stood " or, to put it better, glided. Perhaps Tobi had gone mad; he jerked his head toward Anthony to see if he also saw the horrible wailing specter.

            “That,” Anthony explained in a droning, seemingly annoyed voice, “is Eugene.”

            Eugene floated further into the store and passed Tobi and Anthony. It paused its horrible moaning and said “GOOOD MOOORNIINGG, AANTHONYYY,” in a ghoulish shout so loud, Tobi covered his ears. “WHOOOO’S THE NEWW BOOOYY?”

            Sounding as if he were doing a middle school book report, Anthony sighed and said in a monotone voice “Good morning, Eugene. This is Tobi. He’s starting today.”

            Eugene squinted at Tobi for a couple seconds, and then said “WEEELL, TOBII, GOOOOD LUUCK! THE EMPLOOYYEES HERE AALWAYS SEEM TO QUIT AFTER A COUPLE WEEEEKS! II’M BEGINNING TO THINK THIS PLACE IS CUUURRSED!” With that, Eugene floated past the two Pineshop workers, continuing his horrible moans.

            Before Tobi could gather himself enough to even put a question together in his head, Anthony said “That’s Eugene. He died about ten years ago and every day at exactly 10:00, he bursts into the store like that and ‘buys’ the exact same products.”

            “Every day?”

            “Every day. Still wonder why no one stays here for very long? They just can’t stand having to deal with that horrible shout of his, and they definitely don’t like cleaning up that mess he leaves when he comes in. Every day…”

            Hidden in the dairy isle, Eugene’s voice rang through the store. “AAANTHOOONYY, HOW MUCH ARE THESE PAACKETS OF YOOOGEERRT?”

            Anthony sighed again. “They’re 85 cents a packet!” he yelled back toward Eugene’s voice, “Just like every other day!” Anthony lowered his voice to talk to Tobi again. “Honestly, it’s the same thing every day; he always asks how much the yogurt is, he brings the same coupons…”

            “At least he’s adding to your revenue,” Tobi offered.

            “I wish,” Anthony grunted. “The food he checks out? Just as solid as he is. And so are his coupons and his money.”

            “III’M READY TO CHECK OOOUT, AAANTHOONYYY!”

            Without turning his head to face Eugene, Anthony rolled his eyes and replied “For the last time, Eugene, it’s on the house! Don’t worry about checking out.”

            “AAAND FOR THE LAAST TIIIME, I NEEED TO PAAYY JUUUST LIKE EVERYONE EEELSE. I IINSIIIST!”

            Anthony turned to Tobi. “Well, I wanted your first customer to be alive, but go ahead and do everything I showed you.”

            Tobi’s palms started sweating again; he had forgotten that he was working there. He hesitantly moved behind the register. Sure enough, every item Eugene placed on the counter was a spectral form of itself and floated silently in front of him. Not knowing what else to do, Tobi awkwardly keyed in each item, including two packets of yogurt, a half carton of milk, a wedge of cheese, a loaf of bread, and a bottle of wine.

            A bottle of wine! Tobi quickly thought back to his instructions for ringing out alcohol. “Could I please see some ID for the liquor?” his voice shook with every syllable.

            Eugene’s ghastly moaning momentarily turned into chuckling. “YOOOUU’RE THE FIIRST PERSON TO EEEVER CAARD MEEE. THAAAT’S GOOOD THOOUUGH, IIT’S YOUR JOOOOOB.” Eugene took a driver’s license out and presented it to Tobi.

            Tobi squinted at the translucent piece of plastic. “Sir, this ID is expired. Do you have a more current one?”

            ‘WHHAAAT? IT COOUULDN’T HAVE EXPIIIIRRRED!” Eugene looked at the driver’s license. “CAAAN’T YOU CUT ME SOME SLAAAAACK? II’M A SEENIOR CITIZEEEN!”

            “I’m sorry, sir, but without proper identification, I can’t sell you alcohol.”

            Eugene harmlessly slammed his fist through the counter. “II COME HERE EEEVERY DAAAAY! THIIIS IS AN OOOUUTRAAGE!” Eugene glided toward the front door, leaving his groceries on the counter. “WAAAIT UNTIL COOORPERAATE HEARS ABOUT THIIIIS!”

            The ghost, Eugene, left the store with a gust of wind. He did not return the next day, nor the day after. At first, folks dared to guess that he had finally passed, with his schedule finally broken, perhaps he had moved on to the other side.

            It didn’t take long for that theory to be squashed. You see, Eugene was a man of habit " in life, and so in death. He needed a schedule, and when Tobi ruined his old one, it took him little time to acquire a new one, several towns over, at the DMV.

Author's Note

Just for fun. I hope you enjoy it!

Reviews

[Mifa]

I really enjoyed this short piece. Funny and Ingenious. And the dialogue is one thing I just have to give you a thumbs up for. It moves the story forward, making up for the shortage of a mire concrete sense of description of the characters and the setting. All in all, the story is the kind that would make for a great collection of amusing ghost short story compilation. I honestly think you should consider something in that line...I don't think it has ever been done before, eerie ghost stories that invokes the same dose of gore as it does humor. It should be something worth looking into.

[Alex]

Thanks for the review. Hmm, I've honestly never considered anything like that. The Horror genre HAS always fascinated me - I will definitely look into that.

[David R Gonzalez]

This was incredibly entertaining and a fresh look at a common aspect of life. I also enjoyed that it was well written (meaning grammatically correct). thank you for the post.

[MightyMouse]

This was really funny. :D Well done!!!

[Shannon]

Great story, wonderful details. The end.... Definitely a chuckle.

Because I read your profile and see you are open to feedback:
Watch extra words like for, in these examples -
"... referenced Pineshop, for they were always hiring."
"Tobi had to rub his eyes, for maybe all the dirt in the air clouded his vision"

Also consider your title. Often people give too much away. Maybe let us wonder who Eugene us for a bit?

Well written and entertaining.

[Jgra]

I liked this story, a very unique situation I've never really seen anything like it. BOOM filled Tobi’s ears. Before Tobi could cover his ears, sounds off because you use ears twice. Other than that a good story with a clever ending.

[Alex]

Nicely spotted, I didn't realize I used ears so successively there.

[Woody]

very funny and nicely told :) nice finish, too. I feel sorry for Anthony, though. he lost a most entertaining customer.
I have two tiny remarks.
inadvertently in the first line doesn't look correct to me. (I may be wrong). when you do something inadvertently that means you didn't mean to do it in the first place. I would either remove it or put surreptitiously.
and
there he stood, or to it better "hovered"? 'cos he was not moving at that time?
great write, Alex.

[Alex]

Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! One of the most rewarding parts of being a part of a writing community has to be when I learn that I've been using a word incorrectly my entire life, and it turns out inadvertently is one of those words - I thank you!

[Woody]

you're most welcome. I'm so grateful to the many people who've corrected me or helped me here. I think this is a good site.

[Stan Lee]

:D Ah I loved this! It made me laugh out loud! Best ghost story ever!!!!!!!!!!! So much fun. Thanks for sharing! :)

[Alex]

Thanks so much!

[Sesame]

Hi Alex,

Fun story. Not much to comment, it is well written and witty. The fact that the ID-card thing disrupted the ghost's business there was original. But for me the story could have ended there, the fact that the ghost goes harrassing another store was not adding to the story for me.

Keep posting these 'just for funs', because they are.

Regards,

Sesame

@followsesame on Twitter
www.themagiccave.com

[Alex]

Thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it. The ending was less about the story, and more of a social commentary that the story's based on. Kind of like the conclusion of a Twilight Zone episode.