THE FLOOD INSIDE MY HEART

IT'S WHEN YOU ARE ABOUT TO EXPERIENCE ANGER

There's a flood rising in my heart'
taking over my feelings
washing away my kindness
my emotions drowning in the flood
and so will my love
It will drown my life long song
and will kill my patience
Mud water will get mixed with my blood,
small grains of sand will block my veins...
Then I will no more hold my patience
and at that point I turn into a beast
This is what I am, when  I am angry,
this is what you are, when you are angry
Your humanity gets washed away,
hatred and anger takes over your empty heart

Author's Note

Please let me know your comments. I want to improve.

Reviews

[Sunny]

Very nicely done! :) It's probably very accurate for some people!

[Harmartia Poe]

A few comma splices and maybe a few words you could edit out to improve the word flow, but I really like the ideas in this one. It is quite powerful. The imagery is strong, and the emotions are spot on. Well done :)

[lady sunshine]

this is reality which you are talking about...but i agree with harmartia... try some new words and it will be better! :)

[Alfred Kukitz]

Realism stark and frank. Youth gazes into the night side of life.

[Willow Radcliffe]

I like it. The theme is good. It has strong imagery

[ASHIDASH]

thank you

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

This is really good BUT BUT BUT PLEASE use a capital 'I' and not i.
You have a talent.

[ASHIDASH]

Thank you so much. next time I'll keep away from spelling errors. Again, thank you

[ASHIDASH]

I'll make them up now

[Chloe_Spence]

Very nicely done :)
The only comment I have is to maybe check your grammar, but other than that- well done :)
It was a well written poem

[ASHIDASH]

I changed some of the words. please let me know where i have gone wrong

[Chloe_Spence]

All good now- well done :)

[ASHIDASH]

Thankyou. April helped alot in that.

[Chloe_Spence]

You are welcome :)

[ASHIDASH]

Hope you'll keep on pointing out my mistakes, so i can correct them. Thank you

[AprilRN1210]

you described the rush, the "flood" of emotions that crashes in waves inside your heart when you become angry. Those powerful feelings can "wash away humanity" in some cases. Overall this is very nice. It is creative, vivid, and moving.

[ASHIDASH]

Thanks alot. I appreciate your encouraging words