Bite

Bite

A Poem by Aa Harvey

Bite

 

 

Money too much, children’s laughter;

Fall apart beneath the moonlight.

Make me cry tears of blood, ever after;

I think I want to die tonight.

 

 

Dog bite scar puts pain to skin;

Leave it out and let me in.

Kiss my soul with teeth of barbwire.

Let me remember you within the fire.

 

 

Whisper words of wisdom and lets all jump across to hear them;

Another dead singer living on the edge of oblivion.

Wasting away in a puddle of blood;

Never been in love, because loves no good.

 

 

Whispers scream through echoes of violence,

In the cold dark silence I see them cry.

Smother me with love, because love is blinding.

Drift away into the clouds up above in the sky.

 

 

Want it too much to earn it, or find it;

Give it to me easy, but it’s never enough.

Flew into the sun in search of new sights;

Laying here blinded by God and his version of love.

 

 

Money too much to bring pleasure to me,

Set me free with poetry in poverty.

 

 

Howl at the moon to release the endorphins,

Scream at her now she will listen to you.

Give me anything, but let it be broken,

I have nothing left to give to you.

 

 

Fire raging along the border,

Corner me and I will bite you back.

You want me to be something smarter.

I can’t do that.  Creativity I lack.

 

 

 

(C)2015 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.

 


© 2016 Aa Harvey



My Review

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Featured Review

Not bad... Your rhyme scheme holds the attention. It's good you use multiple words to fit the rhyme sometimes, ("...Skin......Let me in..."), a lot of people don't step out of the box with that and they end up using words that don't quite fit the meaning just because they rhyme well.

Last line reminds me of Yoda from Star Wars it does.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aa Harvey

1 Year Ago

Thank you for my first review on this website. I had feared nobody would leave any reviews. "Fea.. read more


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Reviews

Interesting..

I'm always a bit weird when reviewing poetry because I don't like the idea of changing someone else's poem too much. Poems are weird in the sense that they can be strange and confusing and decipherable and still be completely valid writing. That being said, the only things I'll really point out place for improvement is more technical stuff.

Such as:
This line,
'Scream at her now she will listen to you.'
I was unsure whether it should read -
'Scream at her, now she will listen to you.'
or
'Scream at her now, she will listen to you.'
Adding in the comma in this case would help get your point across a little better.. or at least stop the reader from pausing wondering which one it's meant to be (like I did)

Also in the lines where you say:
Money too much.. blabla
I was unsure if you were using money as a verb or if it was meant to read as
money, too much.. blabla
If you used money as a verb in these cases I did like it.. just wasn't sure if that's how you meant it to come across :p

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Aa Harvey

1 Year Ago

It means scream at her now she has stopped shouting back at you and is willing to listen to you...I .. read more
Not bad... Your rhyme scheme holds the attention. It's good you use multiple words to fit the rhyme sometimes, ("...Skin......Let me in..."), a lot of people don't step out of the box with that and they end up using words that don't quite fit the meaning just because they rhyme well.

Last line reminds me of Yoda from Star Wars it does.

Posted 1 Year Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Aa Harvey

1 Year Ago

Thank you for my first review on this website. I had feared nobody would leave any reviews. "Fea.. read more

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2 Reviews
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Added on March 7, 2016
Last Updated on March 8, 2016

Author

Aa Harvey
Aa Harvey

United Kingdom



About
I have been writing poetry for over ten years and I write about everything. The music I listen to can be found on you tube. Just search aa harvey 5000 playlist. The first 5 playlists are the mu.. more..

Writing