Bird with broken wings

Listen! O bird, thou hapless fellow;
Gloomy for thy broken wings.
Thou art staring at the sky;
The sky that once used to be thine.
Thou may hath broken wings but not will,
These broken wings canst hold thee still.
'Tis a nightmare, thy weakness,
Which breaks away with slumber.
And then Thou will wake to fly,
Even stronger to fly very high
Because thou art a bird, A bird born to fly!

Reviews

[Stonz P.]

I like the metaphor. My favourite lines:
"These broken wings canst hold thee still.
Tis a nightmare, thy weakness,
Which breaks away with slumber."

Your poem is a brilliant reflection. Good write.

Few corrections:
# "Thou may hast broken wings but not will"
I get the context but it is not clear instantly, so I suggest making it 'but not a/the (broken) will'..

# It would be "may hath" not hast.. hast would be used in more of a present tense.. And it is 'may have' not 'may has', right?

# It is not Tis but 'Tis. You missed the apostrophe there.

P.S.: I hope my words are not taken otherwise, I only wish the piece to be correct.

[Abilash Uttama]

thank you very much for the correction and i'm glad you liked it :)

[Arunima]

Freedom,bondage and the inclination to soar higher and higher are portrayed casually yet provocatively!!!

[Abilash Uttama]

Thanks sis :)

[Arunima]

PLS, one request don't say thanks... u deserve appreciation ....

[Abilash Uttama]

You're so sweet :)

[Arunima]

oye, KILLERS are supposed to be dangerous,not sweet!!! and "thanks" has a very different definition in my case...when u know that u would realize why i stopped u frm thanks to me....

[Abilash Uttama]

Now you sound dangerous:p

[Arunima]

Isn't that what a killer is,bro?;-p how long will you be online?

[Abilash Uttama]

Vacation yaar, nothing much to do so I guess I'll be online for a while.

[Arunima]

So,at home now????? since u have nothing much to do, tell me what do you think of this---"Be very careful if you make a women cry,because GOD counts her tears.The woman came out of a man's ribs,not from his feet to be walked on,not from his head to be superior but from the side to be equal,under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved." is this good enough to be included as an intro for my debate on "WOMEN EMPOWERMENT"?

[Abilash Uttama]

Well this is very good but there is this point that woman need to be protected, it indicates that she is not strong enough to protect herself. I mean it represents the same old mentality men shouldn't cry and women are weak and should be looked upon.

[Arunima]

Hmmm,right! thanks but what change do i make? HELP!!!!

[Abilash Uttama]

Obliterate this 'to be protected' part and some positive points like 'to help you when you are in need'

[Abilash Uttama]

*add

[Arunima]

oye,hoye!!!takum...may i ask in which year you are,ABILASH? see, i'm calling u by ur name...

[Abilash Uttama]

2nd year what about you?

[Isabel25]

Okay, so art thou suggesting that the bird can fly in his dream? That he can escape his nightmare by sleeping and then dreaming?

[Abilash Uttama]

it's just a comparison the weakness is like a nightmare which will break away with sleep this period of time and when you'll recover you'll be even stronger. it's just like wounds make you stronger.

[Isabel25]

Okay, like sleep healing you each day as Macbeth says. Now it is clear to me :)

[Abilash Uttama]

oh it's a shame, i haven't read Macbeth :(

[Isabel25]

I wouldnt have read it if i didnt have to study it :P

[Abilash Uttama]

Maybe that's why i too didn't read it :P I was about to read it, i even finished first few pages but then i guess exam approached and i forgot about it later on.

[J.R.H.]

Loved the desire for freedom in this. Very well written.

[Abilash Uttama]

thank you very much sir :)

[Megha]

nice piece of work.. i like the writing style.. greater feelings expressed in few lines :D

[Abilash Uttama]

I'm glad you liked it :)

[Roshan Nair]

Your empathy for the broken is coming out beautifully in this piece abhilash... theres a lot of pain and comfort side by side here. nice work and keep going. cheers!

[Abilash Uttama]

Thanks Roshan :)

[Deepika]

I soo can feel depth of emotions that's associated with the bird who has lost her ultimate pleasure of living, the flight! Wonderful write!

[Abilash Uttama]

Thanks for the review Deepika :)