Memoir I

The caged bird

Lucifer’s Rosaria

 

~A tale of lost love~

 

Memoir

 

I

 

     Back in the mounts of old Magnolia, stands a rustic Victorian Bungalow. Isolated from the rest of the town, the old manor makes its place in the midst of a field of daisies. This is where my family has lived through the years. Generation after generation the Whittlerose family has governed the town of Magnolia all the while living apart from it. Our family prides itself with our forefather’s endless wealth and royal lineage. Such pedigree is what sets our family from all the rest of society.

 

     My name is Rozhelia Éclair Clarraisen De Whittlerose. I am the Whittlerose 5^th generation’s only heiress. Despite my parents marrying according to their respective family’s wishes, they loved each other very much. When I was born, the elders of the family were distraught over the fact that my mother gave birth to a girl. After all, the Whittlerose legacy has always been passed down to a male heir. Even if there were competent women fit for the role, the power was always handed down to the men.

 

     My father, “Harver Reis Whittlerose” was the heir to the previous generation; despite having two older sisters. The elders and their stubbornness were willing to wait for his birth just so that the family would continue its male empowered traditions. During these times women were considered the “weaker” half of society. They were confined to responsibility within the household and were seen as incompetent and unfit for the more significant duties that men would take. Despite the existence of those who fought for the rights of women, there were still those who stayed true to their shallow beliefs, ignoring all sense of morality. The elders in the Whittlerose family are one example. The inferiority of women was something so heavily bared onto their minds that they resolved to mold such belief into the family’s traditions.

 

     Relatives who were against such absurd ways could only bite their tongue in silence. The elders had great influence over the family and anyone who dared to stand against them was left to fend for themselves. Everyone else had no choice but to follow out of fear of being ostracized and ridiculed by their family members. For a family that raised the ever so great Magnolia, one would hardly guess that discrimination would be part of its whole.

 

 

I

 

The bond that ties us down

Is a fragile feather

That fell from the sky

The ever grey sky

 

II

In a distant past

So long ago

What couldn’t last?

Buried in snow

     My parents though were overjoyed with my birth, and paid no heed to the elder’s scowls and scorn.  “They want a boy? Then they’ll get one! Roszhelia, honey, you’re going to be an older sister!” father said as he cradled my infant self in his arms.

 

     “Oh, but dear, what if the next child turns out to be girl?” mother asked.

 

     “Then we’ll keep at it until we have a boy! The odds won’t matter, we’ll raise this family no matter how big it’s gonna get.”

 

     “Keep at it until we have a boy? Oh don’t you have any pity for your dear wife?”

 

     “What are you saying Lucrecia?! Didn’t we both share the same dream of starting a family together? If those old geezers won’t be satisfied, we’ll give them what they want! I won’t stand for my family getting back slashed by them just because of some idiotic tradition.  Don’t you agree?”

 

     “Dear, I have no qualms about sharing the same dream that you do, but if ever there is the chance that I can only give birth to girls then it would be better for all of us if you just go in search of another wife or else I am doomed to die from the strain of childbirth. You know how stubborn the relatives are, right? Unless I give birth to a boy they will expect me to keep bringing in babies.”

 

     “Don’t say such a horrible thing!”

 

     “Dear, it’s a possibility, a possibility.”

 

     “Lucrecia, I love you, but you tend to say the most horrid of things at times.”

 

     “I’m serious here Harver!”

 

     “Roszhelia, honey,” he whimpers in despair, with his arms clutched tightly on to me. “Your mother’s saying depressing things again! She always does this during joyous occasions!”

 

      Mother sighed. “Really now, sometimes I can’t help but wonder who really is the “man” of this family.”

 

     Unlike previous generations, I was fortunate to have parents who thought nothing of my gender and were simply pleased knowing I was born with no health problems. Other relatives were so in line with the elder’s ways that most of the women in our family were made clear to be of the “lower rank”. My father’s two elder sisters were said to be most of the time ignored by their father. Despite the toys and dresses he gives out to his two daughters, he never once looked them in the eye. My father told me how the elder’s arrogance and superiority towards women greatly influenced many of the family members.

 

     The elders saw women as inferior and they wanted the rest of the family members to see it the same way as they do. All these disgusting traits were concealed by the family’s contributions to Magnolia. The Whittlerose family shared their wealth handsomely with the community, keeping the town and its inhabitants happy and content. Yes, Magnolia was particularly radiant, so full of life that it lived up to its name’s close relation to the light of the sun. The people were grateful to the Whittlerose family and held deep respect for them. The Whittlerose family and their compassionate ways was merely a mask that hid the family’s arrogance and sense of superiority. Little did they know that the mask would loosen from time to time, revealing its darkened crevices to those who knew where to look.

 

I

Sorry for my tears

My fragile tears

Those eternal years

That broke apart

 

II

The butterfly loses wing

And falls to the ground

Hear it softly sing

Without a sound

 

 

     My mother, despite having experienced harsh treatment from the other relatives, kept her gentle manner. Raised in a family that looked beyond social norms, mother failed to understand the discriminating behavior of the elders. She was brought to the Whittlerose household for the sole purpose of marrying Father in hopes that their unified wealth would be of value to Magnolia. Of course everything went according to plan, Magnolia was thriving and the townspeople were happy. The elders were pleased so far, the only thing left was to decide the heir and it was obvious enough how this would go about. “Have the current son birth the next male heir” was what they thought to themselves, leaving great expectations on both my parent’s shoulders.

 

     My parents on the other hand hardly cared about the elder’s so called “expectations” the couple were deeply in love and were overjoyed at the idea that they could start a family together. “Naïve” the elders thought about the happy couple, but that’s the kind of people my parents were.

 

     As a child I was raised with the gentle affection of both of them, and because of this, it was very rare for me to ever meet the so called “off-setting” looks of the other members of the family. Despite that, as a child I could not help but feel a vague sense of inferiority mixed with anxiety. Were these emotions brought on by the unjustified reality at wake? To uphold my parent’s pure intentions, I questioned circumstances no further. In a certain sense I was probably on the same level of naiveté with my parents.

 

     In this large old manor, that creaks at night and radiates with a dusty glow, there was an intense air that veiled the household. This air bared heavily on everyone making them irritable and mean. Even the children, said to be close to my age seemed to be indifferent and hard to get along with.

 

     My mother told me not to judge others so easily so I thought that maybe my own negative impressions were because I was shy and just not used to talking to other people. Truth be said, that actually made a whole lot of sense. Sheltered by my parent’s it was expected that I wouldn’t get a chance to interact with pretty much anyone. Just catching a glimpse of them during events was the only way for me. Honestly, I always wanted to start a conversation with any one of them but the words would never come out and every opportunity granted onto me was wasted by my clumsy fumbles and stuttering.  I was terrified in a way; I mean they all had this stiff expression on their faces, just looking at them made me feel suffocated and tense.  Not much of a difference from how the adults usually look but then again was everyone back then required being as terrifying as an adult?

 

      Despite all that, I wasn’t taken in by the family’s shroud. Even with all the unpleasant energy negating off from within the household, there existed warmth. Such was brought up flawlessly by my loving parents. I was protected in a way because of them. I was safe within the keep of a very fragile yet precious barrier; ignorant to the unsettling darkness that lied beyond it.

 

A Pandora’s Box keeping all the ugliness of the world dormant and unseen, just waiting to be one day opened and set free.

 

    

I

The moment's eternity

Is ever so forlorn

Denying reality

Pain is then born

 

II

Like a wailing child

The cry is heard

Heart ever so mild....

The fragile bird