I'm Just Your Problem

; she wishes to be someone else. he has numbers on his hand. she lost her rose. he has nowhere to paint. all of them has nowhere to go.

Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            "You got that, Heiro?" Pansie scoffed.

            The boy with the cigarette in his mouth looked at her and shrugged indifferently. Her face went even redder and Heiro chuckled. "Listen, your highness. We do this routine every single day. It's practically a dance. But here's the thing; you never do anything about it but take my bud, throw it on the floor and step on it, oh wait, let me do it for you this time, princess-" And he proceeded into squashing his smoke-stick.

            Pansie crossed her arms over her chest. "You should've done that before you entered the school gate." She sighed, "I'm just looking out for you, okay?"

            He sniggered, "Sure. You do this every morning, with great annoyance, for me and not for your perfect presidential position. Well, I-"

            "Hey! I'll have you know-"

            "-should get going. Consider me grateful that you've charmed me with your presence. You should go, though. Your student council minions are coming," Heiro cocked his head to the direction of three students approaching.

            They were far from god-like but in high school standards, all of them looked angelically perfect. Pansie was the jewel of the crown. Heiro knew that, and took great pride in making fun of it.

            She stared at him and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said, taking one last glance before leaving.

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Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            Pansie rubbed her temples. "Did you get that this time, Heiro?"

            Without a word, Heiro held up his hands, dropped his cigarette stick on the floor and stepped on it. Before Pansie could say anything, he said, "You didn't look like you were in a very good mood yesterday." He pulled out a Hershey's bar from his pocket. "Want some?"

            She replied, "I don't even want to talk about it. And no, I don't like sweet things."

            "Well you must hate staring at the mirror when you're practicing your speeches," He grinned, "Your sticky sweet smile looks so forced and fake, it could charm anybody."

            Rolling her eyes, Pansie said, "Yeah. Thanks for the great compliment. Sorry we all can't pull off half-grins like you."

            Heiro shrugged. "I try my best."

            "You even trying to do anything is laughable. Anyways, I gotta go. See you around, Heiro."

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Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            "Please tell me it's drilled in your head this time."

            "Who says it hasn't been already?" Heiro said, "It's like a voice, an annoyingly high pitched girl voice in my head. But like all of my mental demons, I choose to ignore it."

            Pansie glared at him. "One day you're going to be sick of hearing this over and over again and you'll finally follow this one rule."

            "Already sick of it, princess. Still not going to follow." He gave out a whisper of a laugh. "Your face is looking pink as ever. Tell me, are you going to blow your fuse anytime soon?"

            The girl decided to ignore his remark and walk away, only to grow even more frustrated when she heard his full-blown laughter. "I do not blow my fuse!" she yelled back. "And I hate the color pink!"

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Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            "Hold on, what is that smell?" Pansie said, looking disgusted.

            "It's called 'A Bed Of Roses.' What? Don't like it?" He raised his brow in question. "My sister adores this."

            Pansie sneered. "Well I am not your sis-" She thought for a moment. "Wait, how is Addaline?"

            It was the first time in a long time that she saw Heiro give a genuine smile. It suited him nicely. "She's doing great. Still loves hide and seek. Henry lost an eye though, but we're looking for replacements around the house."

            "Oh?" Pansie remembered Addaline's bear. She was the one who helped the little kid pick it out. "Well, here." She whipped out a pair of scissors and cut out a button from her own dress. "I hope this fits well. I remember Henry's eyes being navy blue."

            Heiro was silent for a beat. "Thanks. She'll love this," he stammered.

            "Anytime." She gave him a little simper and went off on her way.

___________________

Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            And that's all that the card said.

            But Pansie knew exactly who the bouquet was from. She was groaning at herself, unbelieving how she could have been so blind. Of course it was Heiro who stuffed her locker with pictures of birds. Of course it was Heiro who left baskets of candy in all of her desks. Of course it was Heiro who convinced the lunch lady to switch out her regular tray for a pink one. Of course it was Heiro who stuck a bouquet of roses in her locker. When she remembered letting out how much she hated the scent of them.

            It all made sense.

            It didn't make any sense. But it made sense to Pansie.

            She marched right to Heiro's truck and saw him laying down, eyes closed, listening to his Beatles mixtape. With shaky hands, she threw open his trunk door and threw the flowers at him. "Why?!"

            Heiro's eyes fluttered open and he lazily sat up. "Why what?"

            "You knew I was scared of birds! You knew I hated candy! You knew I didn't like pink! And you knew I couldn't stand roses! Why, in the history of the world, would you do all of those things to me?! What is your problem?!"

            "I-"

            "You what?! You couldn't stand the fact that you weren't as annoying as you were before? You just had to go back up to that level, didn't you, Heiro Lee?" She cried out.

            Heiro looked at her with all emotions leaving his face. He got up, slowly walked towards her and jumped out of his truck. He stopped when his face was close enough that she could hear him breathing. "Everything happens for something. Everything Stays. And if you didn't like the flowers. All you had to do was say so."

            Pansie stared at him, confused and angry.

            He stood still for a moment then shrugged and went in his truck, leaving the girl more aggravated as he drove away.

___________________

Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            The principal was going on and on about the rules and Addaline was growing impatient. "Ugh. When are the games going to start, Heiro?"

            It was always just him and his little sister every year but Addaline still loved Family Day. As much as she loved each and every single second memorized, she hated the long welcoming speeches that came before everything.

"Hey, just give him a few more seconds. I promise we'll get right to the potato sacks as soon as he's done." Heiro told his sister.

            "But I want to try the Frisbees first!" She protested.

            He laughed. "You stink at Frisbee."

            "Your face stinks."

            "Your feet stink, I mean, look at them," He pounced on Addaline and she began giggling as he tried to smell her feet. She began coughing from laughing too hard and while Heiro could've given her water or patted her back or taken to the hospital and cried at her feet, she has already stood up and was running straight for the potato sacks. Guess he didn't notice the applause after the speech.

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Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            "Every day. That's all I would tell him!" Pansie told Addaline.

            The little girl, stared wide-eyed at Pansie, her chin dusted with the remnants of a pb and j sandwich. "But Heiro wouldn't smoke, right? He was just playing, wasn't he?"

            Pansie shared a look with Heiro and nodded. "Yeap. He was just playing. Your big brother loves to play."

            It was Addaline who saw Pansie alone on one of the picnic tables. She pulled her along to play Frisbee with them. It's been a month since she and Heiro have last talked but it wasn't very hard to tell him how her parents couldn't make it. Pansie forgot how easy it was to just hang out with him.

            "I'm gonna go buy candy apples." Addaline announced.

            "But you don't have any money, kid." Heiro said.

            "Nuh-uh. I got lotsa money. I helped Nany Peppa clean the house. And she gave me five dollars." She told him.

            Heiro made a mental note to pay back their housekeeper as soon was Addaline was off to the food stalls. He looked back at Pansie and saw that was holding up a piece of paper.

            "This." She said, "You told me something that day. Everything happens for something. Everything stays. I just. What does that mean?"

He gently took the card from her and fondly read it. "I'd tell you but that depends. Would you stop being so mean all the time?"

            Pansie smiled. "I'll do my best."

            Heiro returned her gesture. "I did all those things after weeks of seeing you so stressed out. You were beginning to hate you job, your position. So I decided to try making you hate less things. The birds, the candy, pink, roses. I wanted to you get used to them, to have actual good memories with them so you wouldn't hate them as much. You honestly just noticed those things but haven't realized the other parts?"

            Pansie thought for a moment. She didn't think much about it but he was right.

     The day that her locker was filled with bird pictures, the new edition of her favorite book was in there too. The baskets of candy had packs of stamps under them; she loved stamps. Ever since the lunch lady gave her a pink tray, she gave her the first slice of pizza too. And the roses. The roses made her smile, even for just one second. "Huh,"

            Addaline came back with four candied apples. "I got 'em!"

            The older girl snapped out of her trance. "Why'd you get four?"

            "Because I already ate the other two while waiting in line for orange juice." Addaline answered.

      "Of course, eating two whole candied apples in fifteen minutes was the most natural thing in the world. Ain't it, Addie?" Heiro said.

      His little sister nodded and happily ate another. She held up two more of the caramel covered fruit. "I bought these for you two."

      Heiro gave her a small smile, "Sorry, bud. Pansie doesn't like sweet things." He said, reaching for both of the sticks.

      "Y'know I could give it a try. I mean, I might like caramel after all." Pansie quietly said. She looked at Heiro with apologetic eyes and grabbed a candied apple for herself.

            She loved it.

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Rule No. 6: No smoking on school campus. The school area is a smoke free zone and all students, faculty members and visitors are expected to abide by this. Failure to do so will result in suspension and/or a fine of $200 dollars.

            "I just realized," Pansie softly said, stroking the sleeping Addaline's hair. "Your cigarette buds. They were never lit. No smoke ever came."

Heiro felt himself grin. "You finally noticed."

            "But why?"

            He answered, "There was a time when I wasn't just an annoyance for you. But I realized that era was gone. I had to do something." His hands were steady on the steering wheel.

Pansie felt her face grow warm. What she did notice a long time ago was that she was losing the most important person while she grew more and more attached to her student council position. She cared, but she didn't so anything about it. "I'm sorry, Heiro."

            "It's cool."

            "No, it's not." She said, "I promise things will be different."

            Heiro couldn't help beaming. "Well, do I have to annoy you for you to remember that rule, your highness?"

            Pansie snuggled up in the backseat, her eyes growing heavy. It's been a long day. "I would be so grateful for it."

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[A Note:] This is dedicated to my good long-distance friend, Jess

      She is one of the most supportive people I've ever had the privilege of meeting and it's her constructive criticism that gives me the confidence to post most of my stories.

     No, you're a gift of the universe. Thank you.

  ©2016 W.Greene, All Rights Reserved

Author's Note

Okay. I know, I know. Calm the fuck down.

Yes, every writer knows the struggle.

There are too many things to write about but your hands aren't fast enough and your brain easily comes up with a new idea, lighting quick. Your whole body is a confusing paradoxical thing. Mine was, and is, no exception.

This isn't the first book that I wanted to put out to the world. But I can never find myself struggling to finish what I've started writing, I only end up writing a completely new chapter, a completely new book. I couldn't stay completely idle either (there's this thing that stops me from being completely stupidly still—it's called a brain.)

The whole process burned me out.

Someone suggested I try this site that gave out creative suggestions, it was to fuel the artist. "Draw something beautiful from something tragic," it challenged me. I didn't get to screenshot it but my mind already did that for me.

One day I scrolling through youtube [read: like a normal teenager with 36 essays due], I found a song so fucking beautiful that I hated how it broke my heart—it was a perfect fit. That's how I started writing these stories.

Each one is inspired by a song I would hear,

Every story takes me days to write because I wanted to make people feel what these songs make me feel. Creating a story is easy, making people interested is fairly easy too, but putting out stories that would make them feel exactly how you need to? That's the thing I struggled with, and god damn it, I did struggle. I hated writing without passion, and writing a whole book can really make you forget the whole emotion you're supposed to put out. A feeling is strong, it punches quick but it's the aftermath that breaks you—just like a short story.

So here they are, love.

Enjoy my writer's struggles and my human's emotions. I hope you feel the songs in these chapters.


W. Greene