Armageddon

This is a poem for a contest where only five of nine words given needed to be used. I used eight of the nine words given. Armageddon speaks for itself.

Armageddon

 

 

Gods of thunder, gods of light,

I think Mars is passing by

showing off his scarlet might

taunting men to fight and die.

 

An irate affair.

 

Silver missiles reach their height

as our precious children cry.

Dolls and toy balloons ignite

when fire bites the morning sky.

 

Burning each toy bear.

 

 

Now there's no more war to fight,

no more lands to occupy.

Only ashes, only blight

underneath the big blue sky.

 

Isotopic air.

 

Mars is moving out of sight

with a tear upon his eye

for he may not find delight

warring with the by-and-by.

 

No more people there.

Reviews

[Great Aunt Astri]

I am learning a great deal from your poems. They are so well constructed. That old Mars has got a lot to answer for. It is his own silly fault that he has killed everyone off and has only got the 'by-and-by' left. May we learn a lesson from this profound poem!

[Aethereal]

Thanks for your review, Astri! It's much better to write a poem than to tell someone else how to write a poem. Actions are much better than words. The only Roman god that modern militaristic society still worships is Mars. Building weapons stash temples in honor of Mars is our most expensive enterprise. We’d rather starve than give up our weapons .

[Great Aunt Astri]

Well, if we don't give up our weapons before it is too late, we surely will starve. A nuked world! I don't think even Mars would be a party to that!

[Aethereal]

That's for sure!

[richom]

This is excellent. Using the same rhyming sounds throughout an entire poem usually results in lines that sound forced. That is not the case here. All of your rhymes fit perfectly and contribute to the narrative.
Splendid descriptive phrasing. I'm curious as to your note "uses all nine words." I've trying to, but can't, figure out what the nine words may have been. I'm delighted to meet another writer of rhymed, metered poems. Richard

[Aethereal]

Thank you for your detailed review, richom! I never force a line if possible. The reason why you can't figure out which of the words are of the nine is because I didn't force those words either. The nine words as given by the contest were: affair, crime, war, fire, precious, silver, thunder, scarlet, balloons. Only five of the words given were necessary to enter the contest. I used eight of the nine given. The word "crime" was left out.

[Tom]

Pillage, plunder and desecration, the irony being when there's nobody or nothing left to destroy Mars sees the error of his ways !

Splendid poem, so well set out, stimulating and thought provoking !

[Aethereal]

Thanks Tom! I happy that you enjoyed it. Mars sees the error of his ways indeed!

[Rahul]

You know how to write such sort of complicated pieces. Structure's great as well as the theme, the idea's too great here. Overall rating comes 100/100 :)

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Rahul! Perhaps this poem shall make for a more peaceful world if people think about it to some degree.

[icelandicblue]

You've managed so say and comment on so much in your poem. As always it is structural perfection. I like your personification of Mars too.

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Blue! But I hope it never comes true.

[Alia ZJ.]

Too much fights and conflicts and people will engulf their own race. Excellent description, and eloquent fluency. Yours was the deserving one in the contest, really. :D

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Ghalia Z.J.! But without the contest this poem would never have been written. We're the only creatures on Earth who wage war on each other with the intention of exterminating our entire species. All the other creatures on Earth are hoping that we do just that before we exterminate all of them too. Intelligence it a two edged sward. It cuts both ways. Intelligence is both our benefactor and our nemesis.

[Alia ZJ.]

Wow, you really think deep. Two-way sword is a nice expression for Mad genius. It is so sad that even with the majority of the species not in favor of the wars, they still happen! :(
Haha Right, thank the contest-starter then! :D

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

An intriguing journey indeed...I feel as though I was put into bubble and set adrift in the cosmos while reading this one. Interesting change in style with this one, in the addition of the italicized lines; I liked that alot, as it really seemed to ignite the fire in this piece and keep the journey moving forward with a fervent pace.

Enjoyed the personification of Mars...a planet with a lot of interesting history, as well as mythological significance. You hit the mark with this one, my friend.

[Aethereal]

Thanks your thorough review, Sarah! Every poem tries to be a little bubble of understanding within the cosmos.

[Nia Hope]

Wow, this has a whole lot of power on so few words awesome job

[Nia Hope]

*in not on, my bad

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Ankara! I always try to say as much as I can with as few words as possible.

[Tina Kline]

A very powerful and well done poem. Armageddon is something we can very well bring upon ourselves via politicians. I think most people just want to live their lives and n have wars with other countries. The last line says it all. The images in this are captivating and help the poem along to its end. A splendid poem. indeed.

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Tina! War should be a thing of the past because our weapons are so powerful that it's too easy to lose control of them in such a way so as to drive our species into extinction.

[Tina Kline]

I agree with you!!!

[Aethereal]

I loved the poem, I think since I deleted most of my groups, I'm not aware of what contests on here are going on right now, but you're really clever, in using such good terms, and wordings. I think if we look clearly we should respect each and any planet where life is on, for it can be as dry and orange sepia as our interesting barsoom in the end.... I liked this poem a lot. Thank you my friend.

- Elisa

[Aethereal]

Thanks, Elisa! The contest gave me nine words to fit into a poem, and this is what my subconscious mind arranged within a hour or so after staring down those words for ten minutes. I think that contests are just forms of Creative Intelligence Tests. I think that all of the poets here are just as intelligent, but in different ways.

http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/%26%239733%3B-Write-a-Poem-Using-The-Given-Words-%26%239733%3B/48581/

Thank you for saying so, and sharing the link I will delve into it :) Interesting, how you always pop up with little new poems on poems, and creative ramblings, during your own splendid thoughts. It says a lot about how multi-thought out you are.