Watching Her Fade Away

How much do we truly know ourselves?

”I’m tired”, she said. We were sitting in front of each other on the floor. Her eyes looked empty, staring into the air, seemingly at nothing.
“I know…”, I whispered.. “I understand.”
“No,” she said simply, “you don’t.”
She was right.

I watched the scars, the burns and the fresh wounds on her arms. Fascinated, somehow, by the destructive powers buried within this girl I once knew. I closed my eyes, and rested my forehead against hers. I could hear her heart beat the same slow rhythm as mine. My hands reached out, meeting hers, marvelled by how cold they were. We opened our eyes at the same time, tears falling down our faces.

The girl in the mirror took a deep breath, and so did I. Knowing there was nothing I could do, but to watch her fade away…

Author's Note

This is an old fictional piece I've worked on to death, but there's always room for improvements when seen with new eyes. I'd love your opinions and ideas.

Reviews

[deactivated account. pl..]

Brilliant.
I really enjoyed this.
Very smart, I love the ending.
"My hands reached out, meeting hers, marvelled by how cold they were. We opened our eyes at the same time, tears falling down our faces. " ... I really loved those two lines. Elegantly written.
This piece makes a point, without being overdramatic and showy. It's subtle, but powerful, and that is the pinnacle of writing.
Masterful.

[Samuel Dickens]

I found it to be very well-written---your working it to death succeeded. It's very brief, though.

[dark and twisty]

Oh this is stunning. There is no other word for it.

it's succinct, effective and maybe it's just me, but it never crossed my mind that she was looking at her own reflection and the fact that she is made it seem all the more meaningful and profound.

I even had to go back and read it from the start again to take in the words with this knowledge i now had, kinda like the movie Sixth Sense by M. Night Shymalan with Bruce Willis in it. I don't know if this is the case with most people but after finding out Willis' character was a ghost, i had to watch the movie again to see it with a my newly gained perspective and it was just as enthralling as the first time..

Not to digress but this is wonderful work, really poignant. You capture your character's innermost pain in a manner that isn't just raw and emotional, which i find rather characteristic of most writers here, but in a way that is almost poetic.

i wouldn't change it one bit but maybe i'm too biased towards this piece of work.