One line hooker.

One line hooker.

A Story by TonyJay
"

For a contest. Excerpt from my new book Hands and Hurricanes.

"

A smirk ran across his face when a frown sunk into mine, and as everyone fell silent. Who would have ever thought this would be the beginning of all my problems, as little as this predicament was.

© 2011 TonyJay


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Yes, what little you have does make me want to read more. I want to know what exactly this 'predicament' is. But I would like to point out that across is spelled wrong. And in your first sentence, i think you should rephrase it. I thought the first part was good, but then you added a comma and used the word 'as' again. It doesn't go together when you use it twice in one sentence. I'm sure you can find another, more captivating way to rephrase that to make this even better.

Posted 12 Years Ago



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293 Views
2 Reviews
Added on August 28, 2011
Last Updated on August 28, 2011

Author

TonyJay
TonyJay

Neola, IA



About
Writer born in Valparaiso, nebraska. I am currently looking for a publisher for my first book. I love sports and reading, but have become an inspiring author. Though I am only 16 I have won state and .. more..

Writing
Chapter 1 Chapter 1

A Chapter by TonyJay