Breath

I felt my heart jump when I fell in. The cold water seized my vulnerable body, digging into my skin with it’s cold pincers, tearing through muscle and nerve alike, rattling my bones to the very marrow.
The sun’s attempts to shine through the clear water were for naught, the rays providing no warmth to my freezing body. The only warmth I could receive came from my heart, beating rapidly and heavily, pumping as much blood as it could through my veins. The echo of the splashing noise I made when my fragile body hit the water filled my ears, the noise muffled by the water.
I lost all sense of awareness, of thought. I no longer knew who I was, what I was doing here, or if anyone knew I had fallen into the water.
I struggled. I struggled and writhed against the unforgiving and indifferent water, forgetting which way was up, forgetting how to swim. The water pressed in on me, my lungs aching for air. I wanted to just die. I wanted to end it all. I wanted the pain to stop, to leave me alone.
I had no control over the large breath I took, getting nothing but water. I coughed and sputtered, the bubbles rising to the surface. I could no longer see the sun. It had just disappeared, abandoned me, left me alone in the dark. The cold, cold dark.
It got darker and darker, my body slowly becoming still. I felt...peaceful. I felt nice.
It got darker and darker, and I felt like closing my eyes. I was so tired. I could just get a small nap in, and maybe I would wake up on the surface. Maybe I would realize it was all a dream.
It was the strangest thing. I felt no need to breath. In fact, I felt nothing in the darkness. The cold press of the water disappeared. The pain in my lungs left, and breathing became nothing but a mere afterthought.
Finally, warmth enveloped me, like the largest hug I’d ever received.
And then the light appeared.
And I could finally breath.

Reviews

[matrixmark]

As much as the descriptives were good, the second sentence doe need to be split into 2. But it was good all the same. The fourth paragraph sentence needs shortening too.

The piece itself was good and I had a good sense of desperation as the water began to take control BUT no so longer as I had grasped that bit, you throw in the bit at the end bit as the person gave way to the darkness and saw the light. It was a really cool ending and If I'm being honest I haven't seen it done that way in a while now.

Good work.

Mark.

[Savannah Giovanna]

Intriguing and well-written ... keep it up!