Strong Little Soldiers

Strong Little Soldiers

A Poem by A.K Rohner

Strong little soldiers
walking down the halls.
Strong little soldiers
pressed in by the walls.
The unforgiving glare
of the generals they tear
into the souls of soldiers
everywhere.

Strong little soldiers
obey their orders.
Strong little soldiers
don’t cross the borders.
The oppressive care
of the generals they tear
into the minds of soldiers
everywhere.

Strong little soldiers
lay dying in the fields.
Strong little soldiers
have little knowledge to wield.
The brightest flare
of the spirit they wear
die in the hearts of soldiers
everywhere.


© 2017 A.K Rohner



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This is a great read! I most enjoyed it! Great structure, great musicality, strong imagery. The only place where it falls flat is each "of the generals they tear" line ("of the spirit they wear" respectively), for the verbs leading up to them grammatically don't take the possessive "of" unless the those are not verbs but nouns......yet with that "they" (plural, which can't refer to a singular noun), it's kind of weird and misleading.....and readers would conclude that the entire sentence is incomplete, for there is no main verb. Even the last couple of lines, where there is some main active verb, and there is some clue that "flare" is a noun rather than a verb, the active verb "die" should be "dies" since you say "the brightest flare" (singular) not "flares". Were those three small sections (technically two, since if you were going for "glare", "care", and "flare" being nouns, then the third stanza just needs proper conjugation of "die" and it would be fine)....so were those two small sections polished to perfection and clarity, this poem would be a poetic gem. Good start!!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A.K Rohner

5 Months Ago

Thank you for the review!
emipoemi

5 Months Ago

my pleasure



Reviews

This is a great read! I most enjoyed it! Great structure, great musicality, strong imagery. The only place where it falls flat is each "of the generals they tear" line ("of the spirit they wear" respectively), for the verbs leading up to them grammatically don't take the possessive "of" unless the those are not verbs but nouns......yet with that "they" (plural, which can't refer to a singular noun), it's kind of weird and misleading.....and readers would conclude that the entire sentence is incomplete, for there is no main verb. Even the last couple of lines, where there is some main active verb, and there is some clue that "flare" is a noun rather than a verb, the active verb "die" should be "dies" since you say "the brightest flare" (singular) not "flares". Were those three small sections (technically two, since if you were going for "glare", "care", and "flare" being nouns, then the third stanza just needs proper conjugation of "die" and it would be fine)....so were those two small sections polished to perfection and clarity, this poem would be a poetic gem. Good start!!

Posted 5 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A.K Rohner

5 Months Ago

Thank you for the review!
emipoemi

5 Months Ago

my pleasure

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Added on March 29, 2017
Last Updated on March 29, 2017

Author

A.K Rohner
A.K Rohner

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Author of "A Blaze of Beginnings" and lover of books. more..

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A Poem by A.K Rohner