Something was said

Something was said

A Poem by Alan G Stephens
"

Inspired by a line from Rumi. Thank you Manthie

"
Something was whispered to the flowers,
To awaken them from the ground
To call them to rise towards the sun.

You must have known the words.
I think you always have,
For effortlessly, you've whispered them to me.

© 2017 Alan G Stephens



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Featured Review

This definitely seems like a piece reading Rumi would inspire.
This poem's very soft and delicate in its smooth flow and gentle descriptions. I really enjoyed how the second stanza built on the first, and how the last line brought the whole piece together. Overall, well-crafted.

Criticism:

1.Though this is a stylistic choice, I suggest not capitalizing a line unless it begins a new sentence. To me, this improves the readability, especially in a free verse piece (like this) where the lines aren't as predictable (in comparison to structured poetry).

2. I think the punctuation could use improvement. Although it is (for the most part) grammitcally correct, I think you could have used more forms of punctuation (dashes and ellipsis, for example) to enhance the nuances of the piece.

With the above critiques in mind, the poem would read something like:

Something was whispered to the flowers
to awaken them from the ground
~ to call them to rise towards the sun ...

You must have known the words.
I think you always have,
for effortlessly, you've whispered them to me.


Of course, these critiques are quite subjective, so please, just take whatever advice resonates with you.

Happy writing.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alan G Stephens

6 Months Ago

Thank you for reviewing my poem with useful critique.
On point one, now that you've highlight.. read more



Reviews

This definitely seems like a piece reading Rumi would inspire.
This poem's very soft and delicate in its smooth flow and gentle descriptions. I really enjoyed how the second stanza built on the first, and how the last line brought the whole piece together. Overall, well-crafted.

Criticism:

1.Though this is a stylistic choice, I suggest not capitalizing a line unless it begins a new sentence. To me, this improves the readability, especially in a free verse piece (like this) where the lines aren't as predictable (in comparison to structured poetry).

2. I think the punctuation could use improvement. Although it is (for the most part) grammitcally correct, I think you could have used more forms of punctuation (dashes and ellipsis, for example) to enhance the nuances of the piece.

With the above critiques in mind, the poem would read something like:

Something was whispered to the flowers
to awaken them from the ground
~ to call them to rise towards the sun ...

You must have known the words.
I think you always have,
for effortlessly, you've whispered them to me.


Of course, these critiques are quite subjective, so please, just take whatever advice resonates with you.

Happy writing.

- William Liston

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alan G Stephens

6 Months Ago

Thank you for reviewing my poem with useful critique.
On point one, now that you've highlight.. read more
Such a beautiful poem...!!!

Posted 6 Months Ago


Alan G Stephens

6 Months Ago

I'm happy that you liked it. Thank you
Shwetz

6 Months Ago

U r most welcome
Lovely ..... so fragile and delicate :)

Posted 6 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alan G Stephens

6 Months Ago

Thank you :)

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101 Views
3 Reviews
Added on April 1, 2017
Last Updated on April 2, 2017
Tags: Love

Author

Alan G Stephens
Alan G Stephens

North Cornwall, United Kingdom



About
Looking to explore creative writing. I've written songs, poems and short snapshot stories but only ever for my own consumption and expression. I'm eager to learn how to improve so any criticism is mos.. more..

Writing