Post-Aubade

Post-Aubade

A Poem by Alessander

I want to be the bed covers
You wake to
That your restless limbs
Have smothered
That your emanating body
The fabric
You have tossed-and-turned in
8 hours hence
Imprinted with your scent

And the mouthwash
You gargle
To swoosh-and-splash
Along your tongue
To be in you
Like liquid ache
Sloshing
Waking


I want to be the fork
You pick your eggs with
My metallic spine
In your slight fingers
Your demure hands
Scarred sustenance
Yolk sun

I want to be the comb
Tangled in your frizzy hair
Your wavy hair of smoke
And shadowed lakes
Soft as lint
Cascading

I want to be the cig
You light on the corner
To warm the brick morning
I want to hang on your quivering lips
Like an autumn leaf from a branch
I want you to inhale me
Let your body loose
Feel me utterly
Then exhale...

Let me evaporate
Into the nothingness I was
Before

You

© 2018 Alessander



My Review

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Featured Review

So you alluded to the comparison between this and my "Escape" piece, and I would agree that there are some nice similarities...

though when I read it I actually found it was similar to another piece I wrote quite awhile ago in which I play tribute to my bed being a kind of living, breathing being observing all the tragedy and ecstasy taking place there.. that piece was more sad in tone though about a break up, where I wrote being reminded of my bed knowing about "that night you fucked me in vain, when I tossed and turned and somehow everything came off.." there's more to it than that, and I will have to find it to quote myself directly ha ha...

though I realize that this piece you wrote is much sweeter and loving than mine about heartbreak, but when I read about the tossing and turning and everything coming off, it was like I was reading my own writing!

I also could compare to another writing in which I point out demure features in "Conquer:" "Demure I am your maiden fair."...

The line about wanting her to inhale you, reminded me of my line in "Escape" about him "inhaling, smoking my allure" which is coincidentally enough my favorite line in Escape.

I love the metallic spine and scarred sustenance. Very realistic images come to mind....

Also, the deliberate space that you leave between "Before" and "you" is exquisitely masterful! I love leaving deliberate spaces... whether it be to literally show the divide in a relationship between two people or to leave a reader hanging on my words.. or to build playful suspense.. whatever the reason, deliberate spaces are exciting intermissions and curiosity-builders. Love it!

My suggestion would be to select objects that go together better, more cohesively... the covers, mouthwash, fork, comb, cigarette... I was searching for a theme to bring these concepts together better... though I can certainly appreciate you wanting to be all the things she consumed and used... that much is clear and absolutely understandable.

Also, the beginning and the ending are your strongest writing in this.. while the middle lacks some meat.. It's a little too bland.. the fork with the eggs and the comb in the frizzy hair.. I would add some more flavorful verbs, adjectives and images... dial up the heat a little in the middle and this could absolutely blow my mind! Great writing and imagery!!

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

9 Months Ago

Thanks for the thorough and in-depth review, Alexa esp noting the spacing, which goes little noticed.. read more



Reviews

This had me from the first line, so creative to use every-day objects no one thinks twice about, but you manage to make come to life so poignantly. Like other reviewers reading this caused my body twist and pulsate, especially in this stanza "I want to hang on your quivering lips
Like an autumn leaf from a branch
I want you to inhale me
And let your body loose
Feel me utterly
Then exhale..."

I don't think you can get any closer to person, I mean being their mouthwash!! :D

Utterly wonderful piece.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Wow, to be inspired like this is nothing short of wonderful... Brilliant and well crafted... Going to my favorites. Thanks and bravo!

Bed sheets smoother ... Yoke sun... The imagery and juxtaposing ... Great poem, something I would expect to find in published work...

Well done.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

4 Years Ago

Thanks, Fluffer. Hopefully, I come out with a book this year. We'll see :) Glad you enjoyed it.
Butch Decatoria

4 Years Ago

You're welcome.
Descriptive, as is your normal brilliance...sends shudders...through and over :) Sunny kisses for your day ♥

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

4 Years Ago

Sunny kisses! Oh, and you and your sis look alike :P
Ruth

4 Years Ago

Thanks darlin xo
Good morning, :)
Love this one, you know I do.

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alessander

4 Years Ago

You better. It's in your contract!
Matching Socks

4 Years Ago

Whoa, what? Lemme read that fine print!

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777 Views
15 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 5 Libraries
Added on August 7, 2014
Last Updated on February 4, 2018

Author

Alessander
Alessander

Los Angeles, CA



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