Lawnmower

It’s like some beast
whose roar startles
drowsy landscapes  
from a mechanical planet
where veins leak oil
where organs deoxidize
where bones lay scattered
unburied like discarded rods
homes are factories
churches are garages
cemeteries are junkyards
where all organisms operate
toward a singular optimum imperative:

EFFICIENCY.

Reviews

[Guavaguy]

I have to say I did not like. It was too cliche, the use of hive-mind as a metaphor for technology is a very cliche subject. Other than that the pattern was nice, however, its missing what it could be.

What I feel it needs is an interlude. Interludes are a very interesting thing, because they allow for serious contrast. Right now there is no interlude, but the theme is all about Hive-Mind technology and how it destroys us. May I suggest implying, somewhere in the middle, a reference to a time when it was not like this?

I think this would help the structure of the poem, but its up to you.

[Devons]

A damning indictment on the ever recycling mechanical and domestic world we apparently live in. It's strange, but the thing that came into my mind was the Darwinist Nazi assertion of The Survival of the Fittest - this is like a riposte to that, I feel.
But to those who propagate this efficiency, this is merely another word for 'progress' - the product of the civilized world.
The caustic, cyclic, polemic quality of this poem is synonymous with an angry biologist cutting open a wasp and examining it under a microscope to see just why it stung him...

[Chris G. Vaillancourt]

Great writing

[Joshua Randall]

This makes sense : )

[Mark]

The phrase singular optimum imperative is interesting. Somehow I think you spend much time trying to figure it out too.

[The White Wolf]

Ah, my love of mechanics aside, this is brilliantly done. I am very fond of "cemeteries being junkyards"....everything in this world working like machinery on a factory line mass producing. This was very unique, very interesting, I enjoyed it very much.