Clandestine

Clandestine

A Poem by Alexa Apothic Red

I am melting through
A pinioned sieve
Dripping like satin molasses
Onto your planked floor
Not clotting or cajoling
You stir me-dissolving
And keep me ever-spinning
Thickening the liquid of you
Your hands have me in suspension
A graceful ballet
Like sugar granules
Floating through you
You are the warm expanse
Enveloping all of me
An infinite dance
You always lift me
I'm steadily dripping
To the bottom of the depths in you
And yet suspended higher than I've ever been
No one has ever been closer
To the core of your soul than I
And you in mine
And that makes me
Lift my arms up
Close my eyes
And freefall
Deep into your clandestine night
You catch me
Search deep into my eyes
You see there all of the universe
And if I had nothing else again in this world
I would absolutely erase it all
And we-together blissfully die

© 2018 Alexa Apothic Red



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Featured Review

I am certain my heart skipped a beat somewhere between your opening line and your last. There's passion, sensuality and an overwhelming sense of awe. Yes, it's all there, and it left me wanting more.
Your style and formatting are inviting. I am intrigued to say the least, and I know with absolute certainty, I'll be back.

Kelly



Posted 3 Months Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

3 Months Ago

Kelly, I am so honored and humbled!! Your review pretty much sums up everything I was feeling as I w.. read more



Reviews

Amazing sensuality set within a blissful love poem!

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

1 Month Ago

Thank you! Yes, this one has both :)
Thank you for the request! I loved this one too! As soon as I started reading this poem I just drifted off somewhere else and I loved it!! xx

Posted 1 Month Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

1 Month Ago

Wow!! That’s so awesome! I was actually at the spa getting an amazing massage.. my thoughts drifti.. read more
Words escape the thoughts

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

1 Month Ago

Thank you so much for the review! I’m trying to interpret your review, but I’m thinking it’s g.. read more
I lay there in a state of euphoria
I see love has embraced your entirety
I am holding back a dam of emotions, again

I see in your eyes love
I felt your love in our embrace
I know love is what you desire of me

I lay next to you, we sharing glances
Gut in turmoil, cause I know I don't deserve you
I know you are hoping I am the one

We fall to slumber
You peacefully in dream
Me barely asleep crying inside

We wake
You smile at me with your love filled self
I give you my false grin, still dying inside

I kiss you good bye, barely keeping tears at bay
You pull me close for a deeper kiss and embrace
"Damn," I hopefully think, "maybe her love can bring me round"

That night my horror self appears
"You fool, when will you learn"
"You have been down this path before"

Reflection readily and painfully appears
"Yes," I painfully agree, "you are right"
"Sorry, I had a moment of weakness and hope"

"I thought I hard made it clear"
"Apparently, I need to allow you to experience it again"
"Maybe this time the failure will remain constant and hope completely disappear"

"F*****g stop it," I shout out loud
"I'll tell her tomorrow it's over"
I always think I can never cry more tears but some how life affords me more to bare

I put her off as long as I can
Weeks go by
She stops calling and reaching out

I think, thank God, I escaped another confrontation
Out of the blue she calls and I answer (I forgot to look at caller-id)
She simply says, "why"

I hear the pain and wanting still in her simple word and request
I tell her, "please don't ask, if I share you will be in more pain and so will I"
There is that uncomfortable pause, and she makes the undeniable request to meet for coffee that night

"Okay fool, I told you I'd give you this pain again"
"Go drink, stay awake all night after you leave her in false hope"
"HAAAAAha, I win and will strike again, you a born loser -- to both of you I freely give pain and loss -- enjoy your brief enjoyment, tell her I said hi, hahaha"

I turn my mind off, shelf it's truthful daggers of pain
We meet for coffee and I tell her my reason for leaving her after a wonderful night of love
I knew she'd cry, they all do, I envisioned the hate and pain I knew I'd later see

I tried to explain my history and failure at attempted love
This time, I went yet again, deeper into opening myself to her
I explained, I knew not love though many times I attempted, I grew up in a house absent of relationship love

I elaborated further that it took decades and many failed relationships
Finally it was explained to me that my damaged childhood was my foundation of failed relationships
I saw, the ohh too often, empathy and understanding

My mind squeezed through a thought
"Heehee, yep, you idiot you will never learn"
"You see it, you know it, this will end like all the others -- in tragedy"

She shouts, breaking me from my mind, "STOP it, stop it now!!!"
Shocked and surprised I say, "Excuse me?"
She calmly says, "you are doing it again"

I turn white as a sheet
I stare at her unbelievingly
I can't say anything further

Oh but my mind pipes up immediately
"Get up you fool, she knows, LEAVE NOW!!!"
Calmly, obviously seeing beyond the outer me, she says, "stay put"

I am completely and literally beside myself
I feel as if my physical self has been scooted aside
I am an on looker as she and my mind began an epic and first time battle

"Listen here," I hear her, obviously initiating the battle with my mind
"You will no longer be allowed to torture this love deprived man"
"Though you will insist, be warned you have, my love is stronger than his tortured past"

I must have passed out from the shock of such experience
I am thinking I must have dreamt it all
Lying on the ground, my head in her hands, she says, "it wasn't a dream"

She, so lovingly and gently, kisses my forehead
"You poor tortured soul, I'll help you to know, live and enjoy love"
The damn burst, I began to cry uncontrollably

I woke the next morning
Before hesitantly opening my eyes
I was thinking, "What an awesome dream"

She rolled on top of me, kissed me deeply and passionately
Knowing my inner soul and tortured past
She says, "So my doubtful fool how shall we begin our first day of love?"

AGAIN, shocked into silence
I can only stare in grateful disbelief
She says, breaking my silence, "Today you are saying good bye to misery
and together we begin our journey of love"

Still staring and waiting for it
I think, "A frekain miracle, it's gone"
"Yes," she says, "that meanie will never again appear nor prevail over you."

Kindly with hint of smartassness, she says, "You are welcome my love"
Grateful beyond words and thinking, "I feel as if I have touched the robe of Jesus"
She rolls off the bed with laughter, between laughing she says, "if you only knew"

I don't question her nor her blessing/gift
I am simply grateful I now have and know love
Finally, explanation paid off but not because of my words but rather her actions

Posted 2 Months Ago


So captivating! Your elegant wording had me enamored till the end. You've crafted a poem so full of grandeur yet is so intimate and soulful . . . I love the intensity of the romanticism, two lovers completed by each yet forced apart by life, finally finding each other's embrace in death.

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

1 Month Ago

Wow, you have very accurately captured many meanings from my writing.. and I’m so pleased you foun.. read more
Like the passion in this.
But I'm a bit concerned about the ending.
Did he outlive his usefulness?
Did you do a black widowed spider on him?

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Paul Bell

2 Months Ago

Blast, need to watch the telly Tuesday.
Alexa Apothic Red

2 Months Ago

What’s this comment about?
Paul Bell

2 Months Ago

Tuesday must be a no fun day.
nicely written really enjoyed reading

Posted 2 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

2 Months Ago

Thank you so much!!
God your writing is beautiful. Brilliant imagery. I love how deep your words always go

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

3 Months Ago

Nicholas! Good to hear from you! Wow, I’m always honored by your kind words!! Made my day! :)
Passionate, dramatic, sensuous and more..!! I loved the choice of your words. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

3 Months Ago

Ayesha, thank you sooo much for your kind words!! I appreciate you taking the time to read!! I look .. read more
Whew... had to take a minute before leaving a comment. "Dripping like satin molasses," that line affected me more than I should admit to. Lol great piece!

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Alexa Apothic Red

3 Months Ago

Travis-nothing wrong with added effects! I’m flattered and glad you enjoyed! Thanks for taking the.. read more
Travis Gibson (poetic heroics)

3 Months Ago

It was a pleasure.

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886 Views
37 Reviews
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Shelved in 1 Library
Added on February 19, 2018
Last Updated on February 24, 2018
Tags: Clandestine, night, dark, secret, molasses, smooth, high, love, lust, romance, soul, soulmate, universe, dance, ballet, dissolve, sugar, suspension

Author

Alexa Apothic Red
Alexa Apothic Red

TN



About
I am very passionate in life and in writing. I am also a singer and songwriter. Swim in my words, take up residence in my mind... Inspire me, and I hope to do the same for you... Lately, I've been .. more..

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