nothing

hey everybody umm th1is is my 3rd poem ever. it took me 3 days to write. i hope you like it. tnx luv~~~alliebear

whats the matter allie-bear

nothing

why are you crying allie-bear

nothing

why are you angry allie-bear

nothing

why does your life suck allie bear

nothing

why is your brother retarded allie-bear

nothing

why dont you have parents allie-bear

nothing

why dont you be my little s**t allie-bear

nothing

why dont you kill yourself allie-bear

nothing

why dont you do sex stuff to me allie-bear

nothing

why is your brother always sick allie-bear

nothing

why do you punish yourself allie-bear

nothing

 

why is it all i want is love for allie bear

but nobody seems to take time to care

sad mournful songs that are so hard to sing

I want friends and family, all i got is

nothing

Reviews

[astoundinglyattractive]

I liked the first half of the poem, the contrast between the voices- yours, i presume, and those who judge you. It shows the great differences between society and one person, the affects, the relationships. It's a clever, intelligent, intellectual, and literary start. It's very good!
The second portion, though it broke the flow, started it's own rythym that somehow seemed to fit perfectly with the first portion. It hits hard in the heart, and you did a good job with the ryming, with out making it seem choppy, cheesy, or awkward. I really like the part that goes:

sad mournful songs that are so hard to sing
I want friends and family, all i got is
nothing

It is good, and strong. It's a very powerful portion, and very heartfelt. Keep writing like this, i've seen a great deal of improvement from yur last poem i reviewed, and in such a short time too! Congrats, you are going to develop into a fantastic poet one day!

-Fairy

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Whew... well for this being your third poem, this is very good. Heartfelt, touching, emotional, true, real... very nicely done. Especially since it took you three days, and the way you wrote your nick name into this made it even more personal. I love how you wrote about yourself and your brother in this, it shows how much love their is. Very nice indeed. Hugs to you both, awesome write, touching and sad as well but this is what a poem should be about, the heart and feelings put into it.

[Charile]

I really like this. I love how you kept repeating nothing. Great job.

[Thrinna Mae]

Ouch...That so sad...Very well expressed...Don't feel that way! Many people are here for you including us!
Well done!
:)))

[tkersh]

Love the contrast between all the surface questions and the answers: "nothing", where clearly she really wants to be understood more deeply. Nice!

[Cassie Fraga]

hhhmmm... disturbed much??? okay so you express very well here and there is no better way to express then in lyrical rhyme... nice work!! the driving force behind this piece screams between your lines... very sad... =(
**keep that ink flowin lil sis... it only gets better**

[Emily]

I love how you use free verse.

[Lilmissfit]

I like the first half and the bottom half :) the middle is kinda sad though :( but its a good poem :)