Missing Heart

Missing Heart

A Poem by Allen Smuckler
"

This is my first attempt in this style (villanelle), thanks to Mark... I hope it works...

"





Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

We shared our youth on that first fateful day,

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

 

Trestled and leaf-like, we dared to restart.

All the good deeds and desires would stay.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Touches and kisses that dare to depart;                                  

will soon be alerted and find their way.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

 

Palpable landings and paths will rechart.           

Nothing can act like a miracle play.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

 

 

 



© 2013 Allen Smuckler



Author's Note

Allen Smuckler
April 29, 2013
Photo: Siesta Key, Sarasota (January 20, 2013

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Reviews

I have just joined this site and I have to say, this was a great poem.
For some reason I'm drawn to the stanza where it says

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;
remembering moments beyond display.
Dreams of embraces are miles apart
I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

You did a really good job of capturing both spirit and emotion in the piece, it really allows the reader to sympathize and also connect with the poem

This one is definetley my favorite so far, keep up the great work!

Posted 1 Year Ago


Allen Smuckler

1 Year Ago

Thank you Jared. That's very kind of you to say and much appreciated.
I'm a newby to the site and this is my first review. Your poem caught my interest right away. Alternating the last line of each stanza between Dreams of ... and I promise... provides some nice variety. I wonder how it would work if the fourth stanza was moved up to the second position. The flow would then be "that first fateful day" then "dare to depart" then "dare to restart". As a fellow Sarasotan and song writer I will be following you on this site and maybe we can catch a coffee when i return to the southland in the fall.

Posted 1 Year Ago


I think this is a great example of a villanelle! It was well-put together and your word choice was excellent. Great write!

Posted 1 Year Ago


I love your word choice and use of repetition in this!

Posted 1 Year Ago


I really enjoyed this poem. One suggestion I would have is about the picture. It's lovely, but sometimes when the reader is greeted with a picture, it influences the way they read the poem, sometimes even more than the poem itself. It can become distracting in some ways. But the writing itself it lovely :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


Allen Smuckler

2 Years Ago

Thank you for your feedback and advice Penelope. You're 100% right about the photo and I get your p.. read more
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ReD
oW very nice ! really enjoyed it , well done !

Posted 2 Years Ago


Your first time doing a love poem??


You did an amazing Job I love it
very beautiful and Romantic very
heartfelt good flow and easy to follow.


Simply Beautiful.

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart



Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.






Thank you for sharing. blessings. kindred poet

Posted 3 Years Ago


Allen,this is a very smooth flowing beautiful piece of poetry, very well penned in the villanelle form, not the easiest form to write , but you did a great job with it....

Posted 3 Years Ago


A truly beautiful poem! Very well done. :)

Posted 3 Years Ago


Wow, it's beautiful, you definitely have a flair for poetry...still kind of eludes me when I try to write it...but you are inspiring...keep up the good work!

Posted 3 Years Ago



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Added on April 29, 2013
Last Updated on April 29, 2013

Author

Allen Smuckler
Allen Smuckler

Sarasota, FL



About
I'm a poet, a singer, a peaceful gunslinger.. looking to share my poetry..and a little bit of me...if I dare I 've been writing since I was 18.... am slightly older now, and still trying to fin.. more..

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