Missing Heart

Missing Heart

A Poem by Allen Smuckler
"

This is my first attempt in this style (villanelle), thanks to Mark... I hope it works...

"





Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

We shared our youth on that first fateful day,

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

We traveled, tasted, and tried to be smart.

April has passed and cascaded to May.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

 

Trestled and leaf-like, we dared to restart.

All the good deeds and desires would stay.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Touches and kisses that dare to depart;                                  

will soon be alerted and find their way.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

 

Palpable landings and paths will rechart.           

Nothing can act like a miracle play.

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

Sculpted, molded, and painted fine art;

remembering moments beyond display.

Dreams of embraces are miles apart

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart.

 

 

 

 



© 2013 Allen Smuckler



Author's Note

Allen Smuckler
April 29, 2013
Photo: Siesta Key, Sarasota (January 20, 2013

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Reviews

The villanelle is a lovely and powerful form- you handled it beautifully here, Allan. The repetition frames a story of determination and living up to past promises. May the author indeed find the wherewithal to return one day to what was stated.

Posted 4 Years Ago


There is such a recurring music in your voice that translates pretty things on paper ....

More I don't need to say.
Excellent.

- Elisa

Posted 4 Years Ago


This is romantic and conveys a yearning to restart an old flame...one that will never be forgotten.
What a lovely, sad, and beautiful display...heartfelt!

"Dreams of embraces are miles apart.

We shared our youth on that first fateful day,

I promise my love I’ll return for your heart."~Nicely done, my friend.~xoxo~:)


Posted 4 Years Ago


It is fun to read when people experiment..it gives us knowledge of styles & reminds us ..it is ok to give something different a go... I think you did a great job! Thank you for sharing ! ( :

Posted 4 Years Ago


I really like it, and think you did well, Allen.

Posted 4 Years Ago


I enjoyed the repetition in this poem- it really emphasizes your feelings

I also liked your gentle, yet determined and hopeful tone over here.

Overall, a very sweet and romantic write that was a pleasure to read.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Very nice, Sir! I am always sincerely flattered when someone attempts something because he had liked something I'd done...particularly when he does it so well, and seemingly effortlessly! My emulation of "markymark", after all, was what inspired me to undertake the Villanelle, as was my writing of two sestinas my paean to a Louisiana friend named Travis. I liked your response to Angi: "that's how we grow", and I think that she may have had a point about "we'll" versus "will". "Our paths will rechart" suggests that something is going to happen TO the paths, whereas, "Our paths we'll rechart" more actively indicates something WE (whose antecedent is OUR, after all) are going to do. I'd also like to see the clause "my love" set off either by commas, or a comma and a colon, as "I'll return for your heart" IS the promise made TO "my love". But trivial punctuation considerations notwithstanding, this is a fine, a lovely and a noteworthy verse, and its being your first makes it even more so!

Posted 4 Years Ago


Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

Of course Mark I answered this in full and then the computer conked out on me and I lost everything... read more
Allen, I really like this. I have also been thinking about attempting Villanelle. I have a germ of an idea that keeps sliding just out of my reach. I read this 3 times and in the 5th stanza, I kept saying, 'Palpable landings and paths WE'LL rechart. I hope you don't mind me telling you that. Anyway, lovely work.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

Not at all...Now I get it..If I saw the apostrophe, it would have made sense..as it is, it makes a g.. read more
Angi

4 Years Ago

Anytime. I have a feeling I will see you around. Have a good evening, Allen.
Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

thanks....et tu....
allen
Hey, Allen. I like Villanelle. I have also my first attempt in my piece "Come to the Dark". It's really awesome, isn't it? It's like a chant because of the use of the refrain in all the verses. It made this poem more romantic, and I like it.
Great attempt. :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

Glad you liked it dhaye...but isn't Great attempt an oxymoron ... I'll certainly check your attempt .. read more
Allen, This is an outstanding poem! It was the gentle calm of this write that touched my heart. Each stanza a poem in and of itself. I can feel the emotions of each of the well chosen words throughout. Beautifully composed! I read it over several times just feel the sensations lull my mind into a peaceful state. Another fine write from a talented poet, author.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

I wish I thought of that Bec, Then I could have posted 6 poems....who knew?
Of course it would.. read more
Becky C Strukamp

4 Years Ago

You are welcome Allen. At times when I am composing and recording my thoughts before I forget them.. read more
Allen Smuckler

4 Years Ago

you gots that right...

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Added on April 29, 2013
Last Updated on April 29, 2013

Author

Allen Smuckler
Allen Smuckler

Sarasota, FL



About
I'm a poet, a singer, a peaceful gunslinger.. looking to share my poetry..and a little bit of me...if I dare I 've been writing since I was 18.... am slightly older now, and still trying to fin.. more..

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