Devoured

This is personal, really... in reference to a woman I'm very fond of.

A chandelier sways.

Like airborne drops of champagne

it casts a spell

and rains white stains

on dark mahogany.



You slaughter its beauty with

a single stride

a single glance


a chance to draw my attention
with class, and allure


and I lose myself in you
at the hotel in Paris.

Reviews

[Brantwijn]

The first word that comes to mind when I read this poem is "striking". For being only twelve lines long, you capture a huge, strong emotional reaction and display it with poignant and alluring imagery. I love every detail of it: the chandelier being compared to champagne, the white stains on dark mahogany, the "slaughter" of its beauty in a hotel in Paris. There is so much said in so few lines and you leave the reader with a sense of beauty, mystery, romance and the promise of something sensual and fulfilling, the thought of "what comes next". I generally like to give "points to grow on" in my review but this poem feels so perfect and polished as it is, like a jewel. I wouldn't change a thing. I'd like to print this one out and hang it on my wall, really. I hope you have submitted it to contests and publications, because it truly deserves to be seen.

[Eric]

I like the rhythm. Each line is short, yet meaningful within the poem. I wish you'd kept up with the rhyme scheme you had in the first part, but I guess the break in rhyming is appropriate. The beauty of the rhymes goes along with the beauty of the chandelier, then the rhymes are interrupted just as the chandelier's beauty is interrupted by the woman walking by. I have no idea if that's what you are actually going for, but it works for my personal interpretation.