Bloodlust and Torture

I wrote this one day for a contest, but it didn't end up fitting the bill, but I still like how many chills you get from reading it.

       The tall trees glow eerily in the light of the small crescent moon. The dark clouds gather passing ominously over the fading moon, plunging the world around me into darkness. My eyes quickly adjust picking up bits of light that no human would ever see. This is my world the element to which I was born, the night, a beautiful loving presence that holds me tightly like a mother her babe. I hear a small crack in the distance, the sound is distinctly hard and careless, the footfall of a hunter in the woods. The wind picks up and brings with it the smell of the vulnerable human. I stalk my prey, quietly, pacing myself, I feel the impression of excitement but my heart is silent no pound to give away my position. There he is the hunter dressed in his camouflage he has wondered away from his camp to piss on a tree. He knew not the danger he was in. I crept up slowly behind him. I smiled as he turned, he let out a short gasp in surprise and jumped back, stepping in the mess he had made.

      “You scared me there miss,” He said holding his hand over his beating heart.

      “As well you should be.” I answered smiling wider, showing him the full affect of my fangs. His eyes grew wider as he took in his own death. I stepped closer pressing him further into the tree.

      “Are you still frightened, my pet,” I asked maliciously. He nodded, turning white as I placed my hand on his chest. “How frightened are you?”

      “Please,” He begged, “Please let me go. I have a family-” He stopped short as I brought my face down to his neck and sniffed. He was musky and raw, but I could smell the scent of his wife and kids. I brought my free hand up to caress his face. He shivered under my touch.

      “Scream for me, my pet,” I said and plunged my teeth into his jugular. He squirmed beneath me, pushing at my stone hard body. I took a long pull and sucked away his adrenaline. He screamed then, a cry so terrible it ripped through the forest causing the small creatures to hide in their little borrows. His companions awakened in their camp, calling his name. They got up turning on their flashlights and running into the woods to look for him. I dropped my prey, still living but only just, he wouldn’t make it through this night. I hid up in the trees and in bushes as they drew closer. The darkness began to separate them as they searched. I picked them off one by one draining them half way and then leaving them for the wolves and other animals to find. I returned to my first victim. His hands scrambled feebly in the dirt as he tried to get away. I walked up to him, pushing him over on his back with my boot.

      “Please miss just kill me and get it over with.” He pardoned.

      “You wish for death from me, my pet?” I asked stroking his cheek softly. He nodded whimpering. “But why when there are so many tasty morsels that you will lead me to. You have a young boy, do you not? And your wife is fair and beautiful, right?” His eyes filled his face in horror.

      “No!” He cried as I stood, he grasped my ankle which I kicked aside. I left him there to grovel for the life of his family. I would not kill him tonight, if he lived through this night and found safety, he would no longer wish for it.

Author's Note

I'm kind of debating if I should add this character to one of my books, I would feedback on whether or not you like this vampire.

Reviews

[SpeedyHobbit Armstrong]

Oooooooh, this is so creepy! She has a very sadistic mind, bringing up his family and how much she would enjoy hurting them. I definitely shuddered.

[Nicaushio Yamaki]

good work

[Haley Smith]

I like where you were going with this, but I feel like there are some structural things you could work on. I'm probably just a picky freak, but it would be much easier to read if you spaced it out into paragraphs instead of just one long thing. Also, there is some grammatical stuff I noticed. Just try to proofread or spell check and you should be fine.

Try to work on the flow of things... make what's on paper and what's in your head flow together. Don't be afraid to get juicy with your descriptions either. With horror, you WANT your reader to be disturbed or to flinch or move around in their seat a little. That's how you know you've done it :)