12:21 and Silver

these are two random small things that I've written- they were just on the computer- I was trying to figure out how the website works since I'm new to it and whatnot...

12:21

The watercolor blood-

Mixes in itself-

It falls through my piercingly articulate fingers

 

The clench to my fist �"

Then relax

-Over and over and over and over

 

My eyes stare into the color-

Deeply into the motion.

 

Suddenly I cannot move.

I can’t feel.

My eyes lose their taste

 

They can no longer cry-

They have too much.

Silver 

The taste-

That shines �"

Through my veins of

Your eyes

The sight-

That burns with beauty �"

The smell �"

That tastes like pleasure

The feel-

 That chills the bones

With calmness

and silver-

Silver

.

Reviews

[Chelle]

I can't help but notice: your poetry is just as abstract as your artwork if not more. Nonetheless, brilliant structure on both poems. For the first poem, the structure gave off a feel of a tense event occurring in slow motion before flashing to a new event as the stanza progresses to the next. Though my personal favorite in structure would have to be from your second poem. It reminds me of a cycle: starting from the subject, going into depth, then concluding with the subject yet again - opening for the poem to be repeated over and over. Considering I rarely find those kind of poems, I'm impressed.

Content-wise, as I've said, they're both really abstract and difficult to interpret. For either poem, they can represent or point to a whole number of things or directly be about one specific thing or event. In either case, I find them both intriguing with an excellent use of imagery that appeals to senses. Regardless of questionable meaning, both these poems easily immersed me as a reader.

Once again, excellent ~

[JoSephMacGown]

whoa's thank you! Yeah I'm just a pretty abstract person in general. But yeah I'm glad you gave me this crazy comment thing- i don't really know how to critique poems or anything really myself... but thank you- I haven't really had the chance to read much of your stuff yet... I'll have to do that soon

[Shane William]

I like the first stanza of 12:21. Does the number have any meaning? But yeah, it's got fragments that yet somehow flow together. Keep working with the imagery, it seems you have a creative mind for it, just let the words catch up to what your trying to paint.

[JoSephMacGown]

alright thanks! I've just been experimenting with stuff- I guess it's the time of the happening... and 12 and 21 are like each other switched- which kind of represents something- the number 12 has had trippy significance in my mental progression- but yeah thanks for that advice- totally awesome... Creativity is something that I will admit to...

[Mina Salva]

I love silver so much c: and 12.21 is so dramatic, which is yay c: good work!

[JoSephMacGown]

oh thank you for that! I'm sorry I still haven't checked out much of your stuff...

[Mina Salva]

No it's ok :)