Murder is just the beginning.

It is a intense situation about murder, suicide, and horror. It has a weird twist that leaves you hanging at the end. Hope you enjoy.

 

Fifteen Years Earlier, 1994:

 

      The clock is ticking slowly in the background. She is waiting in the dark for you to come back. She begins to creep slowly as you walk in the room. You turn on the light, and you see her holding a knife. You see yourself die as you look at the knife. The light turns out behind you, and you have no idea what is going on. Soon there is flesh, organs, blood, and the musty smell of death that fills the room. She begins to laugh, but then she realizes someone will be home soon. She needs to clean the place up.
      As she cleans she thinks fast about what to do with the knife. She didn't really think that everything was going to go this far. Why did she kill them? That thought just keeps replaying in her head. Just then, car headlights fill the window. It hits the knife and reflects a reddish color around the room.

"S**t!" she says to herself.

She picks up the knife and everything that she brought, puts it in a pillowcase and sneaks out the backdoor. After the police are called the house is surrounded. The police find you and your cat dead. She jumps in the car she had parked a couple miles away, and leaves.
       As she enters her house she goes to look for the acid she has kept. She dumps all evidence in there. The knife, gloves, and clothing. It melts away. As she goes to sleep she has nightmares over and over of your face in horror. She still can't figure out why she did it. Was it the heat of the moment? No, no, she did it. She cannot blame it on anyone, but herself.

The funeral was held a month later because of all the test on the body they had to run. Private Investigators are asking anyone with any sort of connection to you if they know anything. They haven't gotten to her yet. Maybe she will skip town or hide from everyone until this blows over, but that already puts the blame on her... She has no idea what to do. How could she of done this.
      Later that month, as the guilt continues to grow more and more extreme, the results of the tests they ran on her have come out. She feels like everyone is staring at her when she goes out in public. All she can say is you are dead. No one has realized that she could be the one that killed you. It's so hard to believe. The tests have said that you were pregnant, so she didn't only kill one, but two innocent people.
      The guilt has grown so much it is overbearing. She can't handle it anymore. She deserves more than a painful death. She is going to hell. She takes the razor blade, and begins to cut all of her body up, little by little. Her toes are off. She breaks her fingers, and forces herself to write a note apologizing for everything she has done, and she feels that the only thing right to do is to kill herself, and she loves her family. The pain is shooting through her entire body. She feels weak, like she knows she should. She can't take it anymore, but she deserves to die slowly. As she begins to cry her tears are coming out as blood. It won't stop coming out as blood. It stains everything. She falls on the bathroom floor and cannot get up. The pain has become too much for her to handle. She now knows how you felt. She tries to talk but blood has begun to fill her lungs. It's suffocating her. Her last thought is that this what she deserves.
      No one finds her for two weeks. They find her dead in the bathroom. Blood stains the entire house. All you smell is rotting flesh. It is a drastic, upsetting situation to ever see. One of the private investigators looks in the mirror, and he sees her with blood streaming down her face where she has cried, then he starts having flashbacks of the murder and suicide. Just then on the mirror appears two splits where it has begun breaking for each death, and all electric shuts off. When the electric comes back on the private investigator is now dead. No one knows what is going on. It's their worst nightmare coming true. They look at the mirror, but not directly in the mirror and there are three splits where the mirror is breaking.

“What is going on?” they all ask themselves. 

As word gets out that not only was there a suicide in that house, somehow there was also murder while the police were there. Everyone is shocked about the news. Whoever has to go into the house starts to cower with fear.

Private investigators are coming up murdered as each of them walk into the bathroom. They see the same thing the first private investigator sees. It starts with looking into the mirror, another spot breaking in the mirror, the electric goes out, comes back on, and another person is murdered.

One person realizes that there are numerous scratches and counts them. For each person who has died there is a scratch for each. The reporters for The Bango News keeps asking questions and trying to get things about these mysterious murders. All the private investigator tells the reporter is that for each person that has passed away has a break in the mirror in the bathroom. The reporter only wants a picture of the mirror for verification.

“It all started with a murder,” he mumbles under his breath and walks away.

 The next morning on the front page of the newspaper reads, “MURDER IS JUST THE BEGINNING!”

Dozens of people are confused. There are so many different assumptions. It is the talk of their small town. No one can figure out why this is happening.

Although the police force didn’t want anyone to board up the house, and wanted to continue with the investigation, the governor ignored their wishes and the house was shut down and boarded up. No one was allowed to enter the house.

 

Fifteen Years Later, 2009:

 

         There were many stories about the house in the next fifteen years, and teenagers would dare each other to go up and touch the house because they thought it’d show the other teens that they were “dare devils” in a way and very rebellious. Each of these teens just wanted to fit in, but nothing ever happened and none of them ever admitted how afraid they were to do it.

         One of these times there was one certain dare that everyone refused. It was to enter the house and look directly into the mirror. They all say around the fire while each of them added their own insight on the story. One of these kids had shouted out that the story went that there was still blood covering the places where each person had died, and the person that had committed suicide blood stains to the carpet and furniture from her bedroom to the bathroom where she died.

         The teenagers dared the girl named Cali and her boyfriend, Jayden, to enter the house the following night. They all laughed because they thought they would refuse, but they all wore shocked expressions when they both spoke up and said they would take the dare. They gave Cali and Jayden a doctrine to follow when they went into the house, and said they would meet at the spot they stood right now the next day at 11:59 p.m.

Scared, Cali and Jayden walked hand in hand each a little tipsy carrying a flask to the old house the following night. Each of the teenagers stood on each side of them and walked them up the old house telling them that they couldn’t believe they were doing this, and they hoped to see them again.

As the last words were spoken Cali and Jayden pulled the boards off the old abandoned house that whoever the proprietors must have put up, and walked in. From what they could see they didn’t think that the house would be in such good condition because of what all of the old tales had said. They carpet looked like it had barely been walked on downstairs. The only problems with the house were that you could still smell the musty rotting flesh in a way.

They begun to walk upstairs to look into a mirror, and then they started seeing why the house must be haunted. There was blood staining the walls and railing as you went upstairs. Cali grabbed at Jayden’s hand, and began to try and sidle away.

“Jayden, are you okay?” asked Cali.

“Yeah, sure…” answered Jayden.

They had finally reached the bathroom and Cali for some reason wasn’t scared. She could hear some voice telling her to come closer. She soon realizes that the voice calling her must be the woman that committed suicide after she murdered that person. The house was haunted.

“I think we should get out of here,” she tells Jayden.

“Not just yet,” Jayden answers. “I want to see if there really is something to be afraid of in this old house. It doesn’t seem as scary as they talk about it in all of those stories. This dare is so stupid. We are going to be considered heroes or something.”

“Jayden, I’m really not sure if I can go any farther. This is really starting to freak me  the hell out. I t-t-think we should just get out of here, maybe.” Cali starts to cower.

“No, we have come this far, and we aren’t leaving now. I want to be known and not forgotten. You can go and be all frightened or whatever. I’m staying! Now either stay or stop acting with such an imploring manner!” Jayden has begun to convey.

“Fine, but if something bad happens, don’t tell me I didn’t tell you so.” says Cali very aggravated.

Just as they stop arguing they get to the bathroom door. Blood smudges the door where someone has once placed their hands and ran them down the door. The door is cracked open barely, but is enough that they don’t have to actually touch the door to open it.

Walking into the bathroom they see the mirror and the tile. This is the worst part of the house. The smell of the rotting flesh has gotten so overbearing now that they are in the bathroom. Bodies of skeletons and just bodies slowly rotting lay on the ground where people like them must have thought they were brave, but didn’t make it through.

Cali knows something terrible is about to happen, but she doesn’t say anything. Jayden looks at Cali hoping she will say something, but she says nothing and he is terrified for his life but will still not admit that.

“I guess it is time for one of us to look in the mirror,” says Cali finally breaking the awkward barrier of silence and tension.

“Let’s do it together?” asks Jayden.

Cali and Jayden step up to the mirror hand in hand, both feeling and thinking of different things. Cali just wants to get out of here to be able to see her family again, laugh, and maybe even go back to school and get good grades. Jayden is thinking about how he might never be able to follow any of his dreams of becoming a tattoo artist and professional body piercer. This feels like such an oppression.

They look in the mirror, but Cali hurries and closes her eyes when she sees the breaks in the mirror for each person that has died. The mirror breaks kind of looks like a mirage in some sick way. They begin to hear someone rifling, and Cali knows she should have recoiled when they first dared them to do it.

Out of the mirror comes someone with a knife. They drag Jayden and siege him. Cali opens her eyes, but doesn’t look in the mirror and there stands a zombie like person with a knife in her hand, and she looks like she has cuts all over her body, blood stains her face where she has cried tears of blood.

“The story is true!” Cali gasps.

As the story ravels out and Cali begins to scream a loud shriek the teenagers rush in to try and save them. When the teenagers reach the bathroom they sever off the zombie’s head off, grab Cali’s hand, and run to get away from this horrid place. Not only was the story figured out, but when they cut off the zombie’s head she disappeared. The teenagers annihilated the zombie, well they thought…

They didn’t realize that the boy, they called Jayden, would now take the place of the zombie. The teenagers ran to the police station and again, the front page story reads “MURDER IS JUST THE BEGINNING,” but this time with a picture of the mirror and all the splits in the mirror.

THE END

Author's Note

I hope you enjoy. There will be more to come later on. I hope there isn't too many grammar or spelling errors. Point them out if there is, please and thank you. (:

Reviews

[Gabi Celaya]

The transition between the first two paragraphs still fascinates me. At first we're in our own minds, but then we transition into the woman's. It's like an onion, for want of a better clich�, we keep on being drawn deeper into a story that isn't the one we should be seeing. It's very good suspension of disbelief that you manage to pull this off without it being too jarring. Especially considering the fact that you transition in and out of the two stories more than once.
I'll go through the text in order:
"Just then, car headlights fill the window. It hits the knife and reflects a reddish color around the room." Two points: firstly you can probably drop the word "car", I don't know why, but it seems to slow down the pace without really serving any purpose. The reader can be relied on to realize that the headlights belong to a car. Secondly, "it" should be "they"
"She jumps in the car she had parked a couple miles away, and leaves." This is slightly jarring because it's a bit odd to say that she leaves after having already gotten a couple of miles away.
"She dumps all evidence in there." should be "in it".
"As she goes to sleep she has nightmares over and over of your face in horror." It's not clear whether she is in horror at your face, or whether it is your face that is frozen in horror.
"Was it the heat of the moment? No, no, she did it. She cannot blame it on anyone, but herself." That is a really bizarre syllogism, but if you're using the logic to emphasis your character's state of mind then you might want to add a second one to really make it clear that it's your character who's having trouble thinking straight.
"because of all the test on the body they had to run" A better syntax would be "because of all the tests they had to run on the body." I'm a bit unclear about the tense here, so it might actually be "they had had to run", but ask someone else about that because I'm not entirely sure.
"How could she of done this." You forgot the question mark and I think it should be "How could she have done this?"
I liked the twist (if, indeed, it was meant to be one) of the fact of the murdered you being a woman. Perhaps this is just something that only men get, because we automatically assume that gender won't be too important in a second-person narrator, but it's very cool, something I've never seen happen before. It makes us (or at least, made me, readjust our assumptions so much) I know I've read the story before, but I actually forgot about that, so it was a nice surprise : )
"She breaks her fingers, and forces herself to write a note apologizing for everything she has done," I still don't agree with that, it makes no sense to me done in that order
"It is a drastic, upsetting situation to ever see." The "ever" in that is out of place without saying that is "the most drastic", for example.
"Just then on the mirror appears two splits" It's plural so it should be appear, not appears.
"They see the same thing the first private investigator sees." The same thing he saw, not sees.
Just to keep some sort of track, this is now onto the second part.
�They all say around the fire� Sat, I suspect.
�The teenagers dared the girl named Cali and her boyfriend� You can just say �Cali and her boyfriend�
�Scared, Cali and Jayden walked hand in hand each a little tipsy carrying a flask to the old house the following night� There should be a comma before �each� and after �tipsy�, or else use �and� instead of the second comma.
One thing I�m not getting at all is why you underline random words and phrases throughout the text. Was this for emphasis? If so, some of the words you are emphasising seem a bit unlikely.

I don't have time to go through the rest at the moment, but I'll do so as soon as I can and edit it into this post : ) Hope I've been helpful.

[MarkGMelvin]

Oh wow Amber,so dark so gruesome,This was such a pleasure to read.Absolutely captivating,I had to read on to the end.
Hmn wonder whats next.She felt so bad she cried blood.Nice one.


peace
wmmelvin

[Gabi Celaya]

First, I'll just get the grammar mistakes and typos out of the way.
"red-ish" should be reddish.
"In less than minutes" I don't think you can say that without a specific number of minutes.
"she had parked a couple miles away, and leaves." You can put a comma there, but it'll speed up the sentence if you remove it.
"How could she of done this." Is a question, so needs a question mark.
"but that already puts the blame on her.." needs a third full stop, and you don't have to capitalize the first letter of the following word unless you start a new paragraph.
"Later that month, as the guilt grows more and more the results of the tests they ran on her have come out." Stick a comma after "more and more"
"She can not blame it on anyone" Cannot is one word.
"She tries to talk, but blood has begun to fill her lungs." Again, you might want to consider dropping the comma.
"in the mirror, and he sees her" Again, might want to drop the comma.
"and all electric shuts off. When the electric comes back" I think you mean electricity in both cases. But I'm not sure if that's just a slang quirk or something such like.
Overall, I liked it. The grammar is just a niggling point at this stage. The only thing that really threw me off the scent, as it were, was this sentence "She breaks her fingers, and forces herself to write a note apologizing for everything she has done,". How, exactly? I mean she's broken her fingers, so I'm pretty sure she wouldn't be able to write anything, no matter hard she may force herself.
The opening threw me a little bit, especially the apparent incoherence of you being killed but still hearing the narrative, and she referring to the murders as "them", but once you've read the entire story, it works well and makes you want to read it again, like the best twists should.
Good work : )

[Trikius]

Wow girl thats some wicked writing. I love the picture you paint in the mind of your readers. So twisted yet so beautiful I simply love this story

[Nikki <3]

its like a chain death :O i like it. Really good