A Total Waste Of Time

 

Shadows dancing on the ceiling,

Girls in my bed, with no feelings,

But the momentary pleaser, of forgetting, what’s real

 

The ground is turning,

The skies are burning,

My heart is yearning,

For a kind touch or a thrill

 

Work like a dog to make ends meet,

They throw me a bone, thinking it’s a treat,

I can’t move along, and I can’t sit still

 

Torn between, passion and pride,

Hiding how I feel inside,

Like the screams in my head, so full of fear

And the things that they say are always clear

 

Try to remember what I chose to forget,

Try to forget the thoughts in my head,

Was all we did and all we said, a total waste of time?

 

Reviews

[deeps]

Yeah! But as to some of the refernece in the write
How do we know if maybe some of it is really a waste of time.
I'm not talking about the girls in your bed here (LOL)
Sometimes we have to go out of our comfort zone
and try new things to see if we can. If we fail hey chaulk
It up to experince and we gro from it.
Everyone is entitled to mistakes. That is how we learn and grow.
Wonderful flow and I think the thought provoking piece.

[The Raven King]

There is an easy flow to this poem and the subject matter is very relatable. It is a little depressing, but if you still have room to question whether it was a waste of time or not then there is still hope

[J Carly]

"Shadows dancing on the ceiling" I love that opening line! Perhaps because I have a similar line in a piece I have not published here yet. I also love the flow, and how the abruptness of that last line solidifies the question in the reader's mind. Beautifully penned. And while I generally only comment on the words and emotions in poetry, I'd like to say that the image you chose to represent this piece is fantastic. Reminds me of a recurring dream I have involving a painting by Dali, "Persistence of Memory." All in all, an amazing write. You never fail to impress with your masterful weaving of words. Brilliant.

[Mistaken]

"Try to remember what I chose to forget,
Try to forget the thoughts in my head,"

These are my favorite lines. They hold alot of power and meaning behine them. I love it:)

[Sorry Infamous]

I usually don't enjoy poetry that rhymes but this served it's purpose well. Great flow, with a good meaning. Why are we here?

[Lauren Marie]

I liked this piece a lot.
It almost seemed like lyrics to a song.

I think maybe though, this could use another stanza, because "time" seemed like it was just thrown in there at the end. It broke up the rhyme flow a little bit.

But other than that a great write!
~Lauren

[QuietPoet]

This had nice flow. Amazing write. I enjoyed it. Thanks for the request to read it. Nicely done.

[Sean M. Addams]

i like the story woven into this and thought the imagery was done well in this .... overall nice job on this one!!!

[R J Askew]

Maybe we start living properly when we are about 36 and up until that point most of it is a waste of time. But maybe having to option to waste time is a luxury. Then being serious at any time cld also be consdered a waste of time. I now beging to wonder, if most things are a waste of time, what is not? Maybe if we had some pointers on time well spent we might do better. But one person's time well spent might be another's...

[Y.F.]

I usually don't review spoken word poems, since I prefer pieces with a defined rhythm, but since you've asked.. :)
It seams that the person in this poem is very disgruntled, about a lot of things, so many in fact he can't keep them straight in his head, or even just focus on one - they all hunt him.

In contrast, come these two lines:
"Like the screams in my head, so full of fear
And the things that they say are always clear"
By the looks of it, it doesn't seem like the thoughts are clear in his head - as I say it his voices and thoughts are so overlapping he can't hear anything clearly (or at least that's what your pace implies).
Maybe it's the message that's clear - something's wrong and has to be changed.

"Try to remember what I chose to forget,
Try to forget the thoughts in my head,"
I find these lines a bit ironic - the speaker is trying to solve his issues by confronting with them, and on the other hand he's trying to rid himself of all these emotions while suppressing them.
I don't think you could do both, but I guess that he's a bit irrational at this point.

The seams to be talking to himself for the most part, and he even says "Hiding how I feel inside", which implies he's not sharing these thoughts with anyone, and yet comes the last line:
"Was all we did and all we said, a total waste of time?"
Is he talking to himself?

Overall it's well written, though it's not really my type of writing.
I would change "They throw me a bone" to "They throw a bone at me", since the first seems positive to the reader, while with the other one you get to visualize the bone actually hitting him, while retaining the same meaning.

But what do I know.... ;)

[V. Lucien Maier]

humm good structure and flow. A real internal sturgle captured nicely.