River

The icy water is at my back,

there are Lillies in my hair.

I'am floating down this river,

the river of despair.

 

There's no one here to save me

and now it is too late.

Im floating down this river, 

in time I'll meet the Fates

My fingers are so cold,

my lips have turned to blue.

My heart will soon stop beating and 

this world I will leave to you

 

Reviews

[Chris]

Turning blue within the flow was cool...

Good rhythm, fair rhyming... well spoken

[Tex]

Chilling... yet we are drawn into this wonderful piece. Very well written. The rhyme and meter are perfection (I am so jealous) this is just a wonderful little gem of a piece.

[de_maruf]

fine

[Phillitup]

Beautifully written. This is sad, however, not in an eerie way. It has it's simplistic view on the world from it's own perspective. Good job!

[The Wave]

The imagery of the cold river works well to make your point here. Love the rhymes...flows so well:)

[Riley Mistwood]

thanks

[The Wave]

anytime

[Patrick Henry]

A most alone feeling to be leaving the world in such a way!! To word the name of the "Fates" with capitals was clever and maybe missed by others? I had a friend that drowned in the ocean, and then brought back to "life" in the hospital where he died again from "drowning" in his lungs from the salt water. He was eventually brought BACK to life and is in good health to this day. I couldn't write about it, and I'm glad you did.... and the colors you chose to use also. xoxo -Mark

[Riley Mistwood]

Wow, amazing to hear about your friend. I am glad he is now doing well. Thank you so much for the review!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

Wonderful. Now I've have been spoiled. Please consider writing another poem, similar to this one. By that I mean use elements of nature, a scene of slow-moving action and a focal point for the camera in our minds. The only problem I have with this one is the lily in the ice water. It is incongruous. Unless the lilies are dead. That must be it. Dead lilies in her hair. I cannot help but wonder if she thrust herself into the waters or if it was done to her but no matter; the deed is done and now she will leave the memory of an untenable situation behind; if death is "the end." But is it? Can you leave us with a question in our minds with the next one? Some hope perhaps as the finality of this is too much to bear. She is "gone" and "we" are left in a diminished world. Alas.

[Riley Mistwood]

I will work on the request for you. Thank you.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Thanks you!!! :o)

[Jack Reaper]

i agree with sacha. i couldnt have said it better. very beautifully written.

[Riley Mistwood]

Thank you

[Stammers]

Nice job utilizing such a classic Ophelia-esque image. The first stanza is very delicate and beautiful.

[Riley Mistwood]

Thank you so much

[Sacha Davison]

Very sad and meaningful piece. When you are alone in your own misery it does often feel like floating down an icy river. The image you paint in my mind as I read this is quite vivid. I enjoyed this poem very much.

[Riley Mistwood]

Thank you so much