How Long

That space between knowing a relationship is over, and actually ending the relationship, is often the hardest to endure.

How long must I wait
How long until those words
Like cold, hard stones
Fall from your lips

Sealing our fate
Pummeling my heart until
Flat-lined and still it learns
To beat again

Patience eats
The very core of my soul,
Starved for crumbs of intent
To sustain this foolish vigil

Arrest my heart no more,
Free my soul from
Tight bonds of my own making
And give me wings...

To fly.

Author's Note

I wrote this poem ten years ago, and I think about revising it frequently. Even tonight as I retyped it, I played around with it again. I welcome any feedback, what worked? What's not working? What could be better? Don't be shy with the criticism. Thanks!

Reviews

[char]

Your right "dogged" kills the poem a bit. I'm sure "dogged" means determined...hmmm. Maybe "unrelenting patience"? But then I'm not one to criticize...but get rid of "dogged"; it's out of place and ruins an otherwise pretty poem. :)

[AnastasiaBetts]

Thanks so much for your thoughts. I need to get rid of that word... Just need to find the right way to replace it. Or, I've thought of Taking it out all together and just leaving "patience eats at the core if my soul..." Which to my actually sounds much better, but doesn't quite capture the idea. Is more than patience eating at my soul. There is something more than mere patience at work here, a different kind of patience... Resigned patience maybe. I don't know. Maybe it's "patience numbs my very soul..." Or deadens it...

Well anyway, thanks so much for giving me more to think about and for confirming my own nagging suspicions. :)

[char]

Glad to help. Get rid of that word. It's like someone farting during a good movie. Funny turns disgusting-fast.

[AnastasiaBetts]

Lol!!!! I hate it when that happens ;)

[char]

Don't we all? ;)

[AnastasiaBetts]

Ok I changed it. Works better but still not sure if its quite right. I'll continue to pay around with it. Thanks again for your help!

[char]

It feels empty...try putting " The core of my very soul." The extra word might make up for it.