Chapter 2 - "...And The Sounds Of The Sea..."

Chapter 2 - "...And The Sounds Of The Sea..."

A Chapter by Chris
"

People, People e v e r y w h e r e !! Chapter 2 is now Done. Whips and chainsaws available for a modest fee... broom and dustpan over in the corner (for free) for any "neat freaks".

"

 

People, people e v e r y w h e r e !! And they stare off into the distances as if something is there that holds them sooooo enthralled and captivated.  Others mill and mill around with their lips moving animatedly but there's so little sound.  Each in their own little world, so lost in their "me" they can't hear little "Hi's" - "hello's" "...did you perhaps happen to see my lost little life go wandering by here today, yesterday, last week-month-year-EVER?" and "I swear I left it right HERE - was only a minute, day, lifetime - ago!" 

"Can anyone HEAR me?"  "Can anyone tell me how GREAT!! I am?"  "I jus' vant to BE Alohhne..." "It ain't fair to hurt like this!"  "Let's PLAY!"  "It's only make believe..."  "Nothing matters."

"I Could Have Been..."

I could ...remember yesterdays -

takes talent - really, it does
to not confuse yours, mine, theirs
into such a jumble that no one cares.

I could have ...held onto tomorrow -
so tightly, more tightly.  I could,
I really could have... I tried
but I fell... fell so damn hard

so damn far

and I forgot how
to hold - but not how to care
and it hurt so bad
s o  baaad  to let go
that I HAD to let go...
and I did.

I could have been ...anyone.
Hell, I really was just an anyone
but not the right or only ...one.
I was... WAS...such a lost fool
and I believed every ...one...
because
I could have been ...anyone.

Chris




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And sometimes one person stands out ...for just a moment, second, instant... a pause you take that just somehow becomes ...more.  And you're touched and you're held - thought full and emotions just cascade, fall, then ...pool.

"Autumn..."

I've lived ...endings

Held softly as hands left me behind.

I've tasted the tears of a generation,

the anger of a conscious-less world,

and the hopelessness of loss...

and I find ...you - here

and wish we had spoken before.

 

Chris





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"Here..."

I was here until I wasn't ...here - anymore.

But I was never ...there - because

there was never here - where I was and am...

and no one understood...

no one understood.

Chris




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"Isn't It Strange..."

Have you ever wondered over

The how's and why's that

The same words can say

So many different things

And often express so many emotions...

Simultaneously.

A tear can be of pain or joy...

A fear can be "love"...

And what of love?

It can be heaven,

The greatest, highest moment of our lives...


Or hell,

The deepest, blackest pit into which we fell.

We talk of the sun and the moon

and the stars...

We speak of them with wonder or with tears.

Even a "smile..." can be of despair.

The same words, same soul, same tears

Heaven and hell

Isn't it strange.

"My Dearest... Missing... Memory..."

"My Dearest..."

"Missing..."

"Memory..."

I never knew

That holding you

Would be so right...

Could mean so much.

Your lightest touch

Leaves such a smile in its path.

Knowing you,

Is the blessing of my life.

Loving you...

Is heaven on earth.

I pray...

I pray

I'll never forget holding you,

Knowing you...

Loving you...

Wanting you more each day.
I can't let that go...

I won't let it go...

My love...

I pray...

I pray

I'll never forget holding you,

Knowing you...

Loving you...

Wanting you more each day.

I can't let that go...

I won't let it go...

My love...

You know...

There are times I can't remember yesterdays.

Merest moments when it all... goes away.

Leaving only the wonder of the "whys"

And the lightest hint of endings peace.

So many times, its just so hard continuing "to be..."...

All the hurts and fears and tears and memories

Crowd so close, one atop another

'Til the mountain of molehills

Overshadows all that is me.

I pray...

I pray

I'll never forget holding you,

Knowing you...

Loving you...

Wanting you more each day.

I can't let that go...

I won't let it go...

My love...

 








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It always takes two ...and we are ever only - ones.  Strange how that works isn't it?  - or Not at all - really... Ain't no pretty pictures as you walk in the sunlight.  Makes you wonder how others EVER deal with how they feel...

It always takes two
...and we are ever only - ones.
So many don't, can't, won't -

deal, face, admit anything at all.

And wait til you get ~ older
Least you reached out...
you can always tell yourself -
at least, you reached out.

"
Having "Feelings" Is Too Intense ..."

If I don't react - you're justified
"...and he didn't really care"
and "I was sooo right" -
and a million more things that
mean just the same
and end with
...the world's a lovely pale place
once again
a pastel living and breathing place
- once again.

See all the pretties?  Pretty, quiet, noble - thought-full ...place
just like yesterday once more. 
I like the world,
the silent, open spaces... scenery I can wander through
and I can tell EVERYONE all about it...
and how it makes me feel
and all about being ...numb again.

and if I do ... react

and if I'm sad -
you're guilty
and if I'm ANGRY -
you're frightened

I am a bad a*s, meaner-than-shyt, god-damned lying, perverted ...b*****d.
Pure 100% no-good-wannabe.

I effing raped babies and killed people I never saw...
 
before I ever turned 21.  I did, I ... did...
I KNOW I did because they went out of their way
just to tell me to my FACE over and over

that THAT is how I am
was, and always will be...
one of Uncle Sam's Misguided Children.

And later - 
I don't, can't EVER care about an effing-thing
or any person - not even ...me.
I'm spilled ...spoiled...
damaged goods - ever and forever lost
in the dark of places you can and will -

not EVER ...know.

So Keep you're god-damned hands off me...
go on and look-away - GO ON!
Ain't a motherthinghere to ...see

I ain'tcryin
aint crying
...ain't
crying.

Cowboys and bad guys and soldiers and ...Martians
- don't cry.

I play with the monsters...
under the bed and in the closet
...always have.

We're so spoiled as children...

we get "do-overs"
forgiven
...and justified.

Chris




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© 2012 Chris



Author's Note

Chris
Chapter 2 is now Done.

Whips and chainsaws available for a modest fee... broom and dustpan over in the corner (for free) for any "neat freaks".




My Review

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Reviews

There sure is a myriad of emotions going on here, at times so intense you feel like you can touch it. I especially like your dearest, missing, memories - our memories are so precious yet they can slip away unnoticed if we don't hold tight to them.

Posted 5 Years Ago


After reading the 1st chapter I knew I would return. The Unique form used in your formatting, as well as penmanship draws the reader from line to line with ease. Your gift of sharing experiences that offer wisdom gleaned is refreshing!
Yes, Breathing life in over and over again, as we pause to renew; growing stronger. ~ :-)


Posted 5 Years Ago


Chris

5 Years Ago

I'm glad you paused...It meant a lot seeing you here. Thanks Jude.
*** Hey Jude***

5 Years Ago

It has been to long. I will be reading while resting, and look forward to returning!
Thank you.. read more
Surviving the life as it really is.
(Welcome home... again.)
I would also shake the hand.

Posted 5 Years Ago


A quote from a master craftman....

'a mind's weave
that brings us back
at whim
to pauses and the need to catch
our breaths over and over - again.'


Posted 5 Years Ago


Riveting!

Posted 5 Years Ago


The last one was so intense and raw that it had me swallowing the lump back down my throat. The first chapter was great but this was just so fantastically raw that the emotions literally began to seep into me in some way. It takes talent to do that and that's what you, my friend, most certainly do have when you pick up that pen to write. I must read more of this collection but I don't know if anything can touch me the way these poems did. I can't even begin to explain and I'm sorry this comment is really just me rambling! My mind's pre-occupied with the aftermath of reading all you had to say.

Posted 5 Years Ago


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Eve
wow, very painful read and very brave actually, this isn't pulling any punches...I've only a heart or stomache to take it in, either way this could leave someone on the floor.

Posted 5 Years Ago


your writing is very unique, a kaleidescope of thoughts, sights, sounds, feelings...not only head stuff going on here. thanks.

Posted 5 Years Ago


Dabbing at my tears as I say out loud to myself.."WHEW".. Heavy , Strong, so very intense. Thank you for letting us in to see your world..touch your core..feel the pain..emotions that swirl like a vortex to your soul.

Posted 5 Years Ago


How is it that as I read, I think for a brief moment that these are ramblings spilled forth that I for only a fraction of a second wonder... what? However, then - it all falls into place for me and I grasp each and every word as is spills forth. I have worked and served with Vietnam era vets... you have survived a special kind of hell on earth. I thank you for your service (Semper Fi) and for sharing your world in your special way here at WC.
An exception write!

Posted 5 Years Ago



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Added on March 30, 2012
Last Updated on March 31, 2012
Tags: Poetry, Writing, CHris


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Chris
Chris

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"Snow is a natural wonder... and an oft appreciated moment of childishness." - Chris "Reality is always the next version of "lifeware" we download." But the "Terms of Service" can be a real biatch.. more..

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